The worst of luck. Watching everything fall away..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sir Anxiety, Jul 10, 2007.

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  1. Sir Anxiety

    Sir Anxiety New Member

    I'll try to keep it short. I'm in one of those moods(I'm sure many of you know how that is) where I need to talk, I need a hug, I need someone there to be interested and let me vent. No idea where to turn since I have no family or friends.

    I recently two years ago got sick with addison's and a few other endocrine disorders that have totally altered my life for the worst. I met the girl of my dreams 5 months before this happened who stayed with me and helped me along through my diseases, helping me get better and telling me she was there for me. I suppose love can extend so far, because now she's getting cold feet before our wedding. Lack of energy to dance and a very low success rate at sex has helped cripple our relationship. I try to force myself to do things with her, but it don't matter. She's growing distant and is calling it all off.

    I had to drop all my friends, everyone when I didn't have time for anything anymore outside of her and forcing myself to work. It's been a constant struggle, but she's finally turning away from me. Perhasp she has sparkles in her eyes for some other guy with a lot of energy and can go tango with her, I don't know.. I don't blame her, her first priority should be herself and her own happiness. Not living by my rules.

    I just know she now looks at me like a stranger, and all we had, all those memories are in the past. The future family I planned in my head.. the kids I will probably never have. it hurts.. It hurts so much, and I refuse to put another girl through these issues, but I just don't have the interest to continue. What is an act of weakness? Living in a world you have no interest in because you fear death. Or leaving said world on your own terms because you failed at the only thing that truly mattered to you?

    Anyways, I've been contemplating even the method that I may use, I don't know yet, I don't know anymore.. I only know I am alone, and the stress is making my condition worse(adrenal glands dead, they produce cortisol which is what manages stress).. it's a vicious cycle.

    I want to feel better for at least today, or tomorrow.. if anybody wants a shoulder, PM me your phone number.. I'd love to talk about your issues, mine, life..everything. I'm a 25 year old male who had everything going for him(looks, money,attitude, fitness) until he was plagued, and slowly watched everything fall apart. I'm not afraid to share..and don't worry, if you cry, I'll completely understand.
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