I know how you feel I was raped but I know that just because my body was there it was not my fault and it has took me a while to know that wat they done was not my fault our yours. There a cruel and sick people we are just the innocent ones who have to live with it. :hug: :grouphug:
It's a natural reaction. You know deep down you didn't enjoy it, and you also know that abuse is not the fault of the victim.
Remember that the body is not understanding the emotional/mental aspect of abuse, just what is happening to it. The mind is far more in depth and understanding the full lot. It's a reflex. This is a very tenuous link, but it will hopefully explain what I am trying to say, Think if you see a shit of a doctor and he tests your reflexs in your knees, and you kick him by accident. You might enjoy it (I know this is the mental emotion as opposed to a physical reaction, this is why I said it was a tenuous comparison), but it was not your fault.
Ok, so I have waffled rather badly for a while, sorry. But yeh, maybe you will get what I mean.
I am so glad you are in therapy, hopefully that should help you. There is no timeset to get over such a trauma, but you are doing all the right things. Try not to give yourself too harder time over it.
It happened to me 7 years ago and I am also in therapy and on meds. I also have yet to let go of feeling it was my fault. The "what if I wasn't there that night", "did I try and fight hard enough or not". Those types of questions produce such guilt that shame naturally follows suit. I am told that I should not try to get over it but rather to find a way to live with it. Many events in our lives will never be forgotten, bad or good. But how we learn to deal with them can change in time. How much time is individual and you should never compare yourself to anyone else in the same position. Good luck.
Just wanted to say that i agree wid the first post, the whole "i enjoyed it so it was my fault" thing. Unfortunately, no matter how disgusted we are with wat is happening, our bodies betray us. It doesnt make it your fault tho, or so i try to tell myself. The point isnt how our bodies responded, how hard we fought, how loud we screamed, the point that makes it so wrong is that it was happening in the first place. If it hadnt been happening in the first place our bodies wouldn't have anything to respond to, we wouldnt have to fight, we wouldnt have to scream. It wasnt our fault it was happenin in the first place, so it is not our fault.
I dont know if that makes sense, but its how i try to rationalise it.