...or at least to me it is. what a heartless person i am. seriously. and i hate these thoughts, HATE them. and the thought is this - i wish it were all over. i wish the cancer was done with and "it" was all over. im not sure i can do this. im not sure i can emotionally deal with the ups and downs as they continue to happen. im not sure i can watch it take her over, when that time comes. and at the same time, i dont want it all done, because then she is gone - forever. its a selfish, selfish thought. but sometimes i wish it were so.