This past week was the worst, Monday of last week I went up to Canada to see my dad, he has cancer and is in the hospital (or should I say was.) I am glad I got to speak to him, cause the next morning dad passed away in his sleep. It was awful, but it got worse for me from there. The whole time I was up there with my family, it was like I was invisible, my Aunts and cousins hardly turned their heads to say a word to me, but oh my brother Eric, the athlete/achiever, everyone loves him, I swear I wanted to jut vanish, I was having a better time talking to strangers, then my own family. Its shit like this, that got me so screwed up emotionally, gave me low self asteem, and feeling I am of no worth. When here I grew up with epilepsy and could hardly do a lot (growing up especially) this is why now a days I am more close to my friends then my family, cause I don't feel like I am being judged by them, like I do my family, I have just felt I need to prove myself by showing off to the world, but I have never been a big social person, I have always been afraid of making a fool of myself. But good god, I was in morning and grief as much as my brother, and that was not enough to even get a hug out of my family..Eric is and has always been the family favorite to my immediate and extended family, if I had the money I would of droped everythign and left. probably went to Michigan, I have friends there, that I don't have to prove anything to, and know I am a real person, which right now is somethign I do not feel like, just a cheep imitation.