The worst Vacation of my life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Stormhand, Oct 6, 2009.

  1. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    This past week was the worst, Monday of last week I went up to Canada to see my dad, he has cancer and is in the hospital (or should I say was.) I am glad I got to speak to him, cause the next morning dad passed away in his sleep.
    It was awful, but it got worse for me from there.
    The whole time I was up there with my family, it was like I was invisible, my Aunts and cousins hardly turned their heads to say a word to me, but oh my brother Eric, the athlete/achiever, everyone loves him, I swear I wanted to jut vanish, I was having a better time talking to strangers, then my own family.

    Its shit like this, that got me so screwed up emotionally, gave me low self asteem, and feeling I am of no worth.

    When here I grew up with epilepsy and could hardly do a lot (growing up especially) this is why now a days I am more close to my friends then my family, cause I don't feel like I am being judged by them, like I do my family, I have just felt I need to prove myself by showing off to the world, but I have never been a big social person, I have always been afraid of making a fool of myself.

    But good god, I was in morning and grief as much as my brother, and that was not enough to even get a hug out of my family..Eric is and has always been the family favorite to my immediate and extended family, if I had the money I would of droped everythign and left. probably went to Michigan, I have friends there, that I don't have to prove anything to, and know I am a real person, which right now is somethign I do not feel like, just a cheep imitation.
  2. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    i know exactly how you feel about family. when i still associated with my dad, we would spend holidays with my grandparents on his side. but of course his new wife got all the attention and my brother and i were neglected by everyone, even my "dad"

    that was the day i told my dad to fuck off and i haven't talked to him since.
  3. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    I can relate to the whole family issue. It sucks.. and it brought me down. But I figured if they don't want to take the time to get to know me, then they can go f themselves. They can stay in their country.. and I'll stay over here. Fams from NZ..

    Keep your friends closer. That's how I managed to get through all the bs I've been through in my life.

    So sorry to hear about your dad. -hugs-
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you got to talk to your dad. That's the most important part. I'm sorry your relatives were callous to your pain. Hang onto your friends and build your future with them.

  5. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    Yeah thats what I have been doing, keeping close to my friends, but this year has bee so rocky for me, with my friends, and my now exgf who dumped me ( cause I am not loaded in cash) after a lot of event this year, I am so confused who to really trust, cause among my friends I have no one to vent to, its just my counselor who i see once a month lol.

    So its just me monthly enduring everything alone. My mom, forget it she over reacts.

    The one friend I knew who did listen, he just stopped talking to me all together for no reason.
    Yesterday I just learned I am going back up to Canada for another eek for dad's funeral, and I DO NOT want to go back, but its dad's funeral, so I feel I must.

    I tell you now if I had a way back, after the funeral I would bolt out after the services are over, but since I can't drive I have to go with Eric (my brother) and I do not want to go through the favoritism BS again.

    but like before I am just going to have to endure it all alone.:poo:
  6. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    That sucks. I know how that goes. My sister went through a similar thing. Since she was very little, her family would pay a lot less attention to her and more to her slightly older sister who was more social and cute/attractive. Its really messed her up. She has a lot of identity issues, and she molested by her cousin.