Their Are No Other Options...?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DragonSong, Oct 11, 2010.

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  1. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    there seems to be no more options for me in this world..I have been suffering in silence for to long...I have sought out help for years but gained only more suffering there after..I tried everything I can think of and still there seems to be no peace of mind for me...I dont want my family to watch me suffer day in and day out never knowing what to do for me...I am tired of hurting those around me and do not want to hurt them anymore...it seems an end to me is the only option left in this plain of existance..maybe if I move on to another plain I will find the peace I am looking for..Is there nothing a person can do to put an end to their suffering besides the drastic?...Am I to suffer endlessly and forever in this world never to experience happiness but for only a brief moment in time?...I am alone in the world with nobody to help me and I am growing ever more tired of this place...I have lost so much ..my home..a daughter..i have no friends my family is so far away and i can not see them nor they me...the only ones here are my husband and youngest son and they do not need anymore worries in their lives...:i'm sorry:
     
  2. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    DragonSong, I share your pain. But, fight that urge to let go. You're husband and son will be distraught losing you because they love you, very very much. Hold on, because no matter how black the darkness is, an inch of sunlight is worth fighting through for.
     
  3. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I am tired of fighting..I am tired of losing this battles and not gaining any ground at all..I know my family will grieve many times over as I have done for the lose of my daughter I miscarried..I know how much it hurts to lose someone...but I believe that to watch someone suffer endlessly on and on never feeling better is a much greater way to cause someone pain...I hate seeing my family hurt so much because they can not help me...Its my destiny to suffer and I should not be bringing others down with me in this
     
  4. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I know. I'm tired of fighting too, but we have to. There's nothing else to do. Suicide is no way out, of anything. Sometimes it's acceptable, but here it's not. You will hurt them and they will not recover. You must fight.
     
  5. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    you know ...i have been in therapy since i was in 9th grade...i have been through alot...I have written so many papers on suicide in school in psychology class i know all the right things to do but I cant seem to care...suicide is the cowards way out so they always say...no way out?..sure its an out of this world..and an entrance into another...a place where there is no suffering...I believe there is a place where I am destined to go where I truly belong..and its obviously not here..my family will be distraught that I am sure of....but it is more painful to watch it day in and day out and watch them cry to have them hold you and know they cant help you...there is no magic pill there is no cure there is however a place where people like me belong and i fear its not here...if my family truly agonizes over me now here where they can see me....why do they insist on giving me more pain...why do they argue with me over ever stupid thing..why do they tell me they hate me or they dont call me or write to me or how come my mom does not seem to care enough to help me when she was always there for my brother?...why did my biological parents give me up?....because they knew deep down that I was a failure and they didnt want to have to watch me grow up being just that a failure...boy they made a right choice by throwing me out didnt they?....a bad apple from a bad seed I guess and thats what happens the the bad ones they get tossed out and thrown away....death seems peaceful enough for me...maybe not to my family...but they have seen me go through this so many times and go in and out of hospitals trying to get help and you know what?.....they act like they care briefly while your in..but as soon as your out they dump all kinds of shit on you and start all over with their crap making you feel like crap all over again...I have had enough of it .....aaarrrgghhh and here I am dumping my issues on strangers who dont know me at all who seem to want to care but why?...why is one so worth saving?.....why am I here dumping?...I cant even get help I have no insurance anymore nobody will take you when you dont.....i cant take my meds because i have no insurace so there really is no help for me at all..no doctors to help me no nothing so what else is a person to do but just lie down and just give up...what hope is there for someone who has nothing
     
  6. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    You're worth saving, because when you're me, you can't save yourself. I've nothing else better to do. I want to save someone, feel like I've helped, maybe it'll pull me away from suicide. Peace may await you on the other side, but not through suicide.

    You also have everything. A loving caring family. I'm alone, I guarantee you that. I would give the world to have a loving caring family. You're husband, wouldn't be there, if he couldn't deal with you're depression. He loves you, you know that. He won't be able to live without you.

    Gah, honestly I lost my girlfriend a month or so ago, not to death, but it may as well have been. She killed me. I can hardly keep going. My friends hold my arm as we walk across big bridges, I go into kitchenware shops, and hide with a knife from the display, and I cut. Endlessly, there's scars, fresh streaks all over me.

    I wake up and cry, before I go to sleep I cry, because I'm all alone. I live alone, my friends live miles away. I only leave the house once or twice a week. Touch any part of my body, and I'll squirm in agony.

    You need to talk this through with people who you know and you care about. Don't let them be in the dark, while you try and escape, cause I know from experience, it'll pull them through that void too.
     
  7. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    I have tried talking to my family about my problems but it always goes in one ear and out the other as always...they do not listen they do not understand...I am tired of telling my problems over and over and over and yet they do not hear me at all...yet when you look like death warmed over they ask whats wrong you tell them and they just say what?..sorry I was watching something go down the street......I have tried several times to kill myself but always failed for some stupid reason.....but I feel like I just didnt try hard enough...I want the peace and quiet again in my life and there is only one way I can think of that will give me that....as there is nothing else here I can do so it seems...espec..since there are no free psych places to go to for help...no hospitals that one can go to...I know i need help but there is nothing here to help me get better....you need to be rich or have some type of insurance at least...otherwise your left to live in a world of crap and nobody cares if you do but those who are also living in crap
     
  8. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I know what that's like. I'm lucky enough to live where there is free health care, it's shite, but they help a little. Just stay strong DragonSong. <3 Take it and try to cherish it. I'm sure there's others on here too that will offer you help.
     
  9. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    If I had not moved to another state...I would have insurance and I would still be in therapy and taking meds but it seems that was a bad choice in life to move...I thought it would help us get a fresh start after losing our home and issues with my family back home but it has only gotten worse and the constant bickering in this house is driving me absollutely insane...I cant take it nomore..and they dont care...I told them they need to stop yelling all the time and they dont care they keep doing it every single day...and i am not joking...everyday those two argue over stupid crap and I cant deal...
     
  10. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Sorry I'm starting to lose it myself, I'm kinda lost. My head is gone as it would seem. Just thinking about my ex girlfriend, kinda makes me wanna die again. I can't though. No matter how much I try, I just can't. Seems there's something stopping me. I'm glad you're still here though, keep fighting. At least try, it'll be worth it in the end.
     
  11. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    Stay strong girl, it sounds like youve been through so much already - perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel in this world for you, don't give up x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2010
  12. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    Im FUCKED?...sounds like you are...you know nothing about me...my kids are adults...get excersise?...well I do that everyday...and who are you to judge who is a dog and who's not and who needs to be taken for a walk?...dont judge the life I live when you have not walked in my shoes...
     
  13. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Excuse me? You sir are a ****. Fuck you. Leave this absolutely beautiful women alone.
     
  14. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    well thank you matt...you are sweet...young and sweet...not many like that in the world anymore thats for sure...would be nice if more people were less judgemental and a bit more compassionate these days but alas...seems like they are becoming more and more arrogant...and vile....if they cant say something helpful and caring at least keep your mouth shut and go away...it people like that that help push people over the edge......
     
  15. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    And it's people like we on here who are always here to help :)
     
  16. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    yes it is nice to know that there are a few select people in the world who care and try to help
     
  17. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Always, PM me, anything you want. You need to talk, though I may be RIDICULOUSLY young, I'm here to help.
     
  18. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    lol...yeah espec since your younger than my kids.....but sometimes kids have a good insight to things to and sometimes many of them are wise for their age as well...hmmm think I said that right...lol...well anyways...yeah...I thank you for your willingness to help
     
  19. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Though I hate the world for destroying me, I will never stop trying, with anyone.
     
  20. DragonSong

    DragonSong Well-Known Member

    its is good that you try to help others...I to try to help others best I can...I just never take my own advice..and i care about others more than I do myself...if i cant improve myself at least I have helped someone else improve theirs.....sighs...what a life...or not
     
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