you want me to keep living, keep suffering just so THEIR alright. wouldn't that be considered selfish? No one calls to see if I am ok or alive. But I am supposed to stay alive so they are not hurt by my death. I know it will hurt them and they will feel guilty but what am I supposed to do? call them and say hey, I'm going to kill myself if you don't have a relationship with me? They are 18 and 23, they don't want to take care of mom. They'll be ok eventually. If they are ok without me now, they'll be ok later. My husband is strong and has a very strong faith, he will be ok. Really he loves me only for the sake of God. I don't have any desires to live or do anything, I just want to go to sleep. I have no emotions, no joy just existence. I have tried to find the answers for several years but I am just finished trying.