Life is governed largely by chance - you fall into a set of terrible circumstances largely due to external factors that are outside of your control. Take me for instance - I live in abject poverty. Hell, I live in a trailer (RV) and work for temp agencies doing minimum wage labor jobs. This is all due to being born into poverty - an external factor that was entirely outside of my control. You perpetually struggle in life, and it seems, in the end, that it signifies nothing. Most people throughout history have long been forgotten. Those who struggle through adversity and actually make it out - those are the exceptional cases - not the norm. In any case, this gets to my story. I've been to four colleges and each time, never finished. Now, it already looks bad to any prospective college that you've been hopping around colleges that long. It makes your record look inconsistent - like you have no drive or ambition whatsoever. Now, I owe the last college I attended 5,000 dollars. Doing the jobs I do now for this godforesaken temp agency, I will come up with the money by the time I'm 30 (I'm 23 now). I think about suicide constantly: every second of every day pretty much. I find it takes an immense amount of strength to just continue, and I find myself losing the strength to fight anymore. I want to go back to college to study astrophysics, but with my history of past failures and no hope in sight, it doesn't seem promising. I find my depression soon turns to volatile anger. Two days ago I started punching walls until my fists bled because my mother wouldn't drive me to a shitty interview for a minimum wage Walmart job. That was also the day that I <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. Frustration. Endless frustration is all that characterizes my existence, and a distinct lack of hope. I see no light at the end of the tunnel - only darkness, a ceaseless void; like a black hole that captures all light that faces its immense gravity and spacetime curvature. I ride past the train tracks every day and I find it extremely difficult to ignore the temptation to end it. Reading books on physics and astronomy makes me feel better. Einstein, Maxwell, Newton: these are people I consider heroes. Yet, these were men of genius; I am no genius. I am an utter failure living in abject poverty working for temp agencies.