On the first day of therapy my therapist told me that she would only be concerned if i started planning ways in which to take my life. The other day is when I started planning. Something absolutely heart wrenching happened and even though it's fixed it still hurts so bad. SO bad.. That night i got into planning it for real. It was the scariest, most beautiful thing in the world. I was going to be free of pain but i wasn't going to be here with the people i love. It scared the shit out of me because i was ready to do it. Completely ready. Now i'm sitting here crying my fucking eyes out for no reason and wishing i had continued planning and followed through. It hurts so bad and the thoughts in my head make me feel like i'm drowning. Oh hey, no one read this.