Therapy isn't working

[Cortez]

Therapy isn't working, I still want to set the world on fire...

 

[Cortez]

I don't know which is greater, the hate I have towards myself, or the hate I have towards others.

 

[itmahanh]

How long have you been going? Or how long have you been with the same therapist? Sometimes, even though it feels almost impossible to want to start over, getting a new therapist can jumpstart things for you again. A fresh or new person to throw around ideas with. I think most work with professionals do find slow or umproductive areas and times. Maybe even taking 2 or 3 visits off in a row. Just a little break from the routine of going. I know how the "stagnent" feeling makes the therapy seem not worth the time or effort. But keep at it. All of a sudden, you get a visit and bam it seems to all be falling into place once again :arms:

 

[Cortez]

Thanks.

I've been seeing him for almost 2 years now, same therapist. I don't have an option for another therapist because the service I get is free (since I am poor) I actually inquired about getting a new therapist in the past, but wasn't able to.

I have this sense that these feelings I have are natural and a part of me, a part of my personalty. I feel like the way I see myself and others is realistic, the medications just make me care less about it, but I still acknowledge the reality of things, that I am different, that I am a loner, that I am a weirdo, ugly, poor, cynical, evil...

 

[itmahanh]

Do you think you know who triggered these feelings in you? Generally we define (in our own minds) who and what we are by how others treat or react to us. Is this something you ahve been dealing with for some time now is something that is more recent and is progressing?

I see my therapist for free too. But I got to see this one by putting my name on a list. The previous therapist wasnt helping in getting me to move forward. If anything he was pulling me backwards. It took a long wait, but they eventually got me in to the therapist I'm seeing now. Would that be an option for you?

 

[Madam Mim]

You need to allow yourself more time, and tell him how you're feeling. It may well be your personality, but that can be changed, it just takes a long time and a fair bit of effort and persistance. Have faith, it will happen. Keep talking and let him know you feel this way. He can't help you do anything about it if you don't tell him.

Mim

 

[Cortez]

Who the fuck is going to help me, I hate myself to an unimaginable degree, I hate others so much that it feels good. There is no changing things that I hate about me, it's not biologically possible.

 

[itmahanh]

I'm willing to help if I can and if you want me to. Cant offer much more than listening and replying but if it helps I'm here ok? Sometimes posting and venting can help with some of the hate and other feelings. I'm thinking you've been carrying stuff around and keeping it deep inside so that others dont see it and so that you dont have to explain it those that just cant understand. I do understand hurt and pain. Those are something we share.