It seems like therapy itself is triggering me. Currently I am not doing any trauma work etc., because of other things going on in my life. So its the daily/weekly living thing and whats going on etc. I really wanted to explore my feelings of anger this week and get a hold on it, but time ran out. The last few weeks, after I leave, I fall down deep into a dark hole. I'm thinking on not returning for a while, because I can't handle these downs I experience afterwards. I have figured myself (correct or not) that having someone who appears to care is pushing me to pull away. I'm not currently handling things too well but have been vague about much of this recently. I know I am wasting their time and really my own if I am not honest. I feel now that I don't want to let them down in a way (the therapist) so am putting on a brave face a little. I'm not sure how to deal with a stranger (the therapist) seeming to care. Its always been part of my personality to worry about other's feelings and thoughts and the affect my actions have on them. And while I acknowlege that they are doing their job, we have a good connection I feel. Yet it is one that scares me. Its not a "real" one in many ways and is something new to me. When I need someone, they are not going to be available - thats not how this works. This may not make sense, I'm not able to express eloquently what I want to I feel. Its all a little confusing to me. I'm not sure that not returning is the correct thing for me at this time. I need all the support I can get. Yet if I keep going to negative places each time and we're not doing tough stuff, how can I put myself through that each time? I do not wish to be rude, so would call and explain or similar. I wonder, too, if I am wanting to quit right now as my test to them? To see for sure how invested they really are in me? To show concern and persuade me, in a way, to return. Or will they say - okay. And that second answer is what scares me, its probably the correct answer too. It scares me because it would validate my feelings/questions of the relationship in a way. Yikes - this is all over the place, but - Any thoughts, anyone? Please.....?