First of, my native language is not English (as you might guess by reading further). I do understand it perfectly and there is no proper alternative in my language expect a suicide hotline. I am way to scared and ashamed to do that! And the chat room is only open for two hours a day. The hotline is even being mocked an parodied on television. After every movie or documentary about suicide they advertise the hotline, I can only see irony in this... I have just spend several hours browsing the forum. Also, I posted a thread in "my story". It's clear that most answers are about therapy and meds. This was to be expected, but not what I wanted to hear. I was hoping for some alternatives and here is why: My ex-girlfriend has been in therapy for years, and taking meds of course. I saw her last weekend (after four years), she told me she is not doing well at all. Half the time she is in zombie mode because of the meds and the other half she is in a deep and dark place. She has even gotten to the point of requesting to be euthanised (in my country this is possible). Other friend told me this, oh how people love to tell about other people's misery. I am a hypocrite of course by doing the same thing here but at least none of you know them or me. I wish I could recommend her this forum but unfortunately she does not speak English. My grandmother was doped up on meds half her life and she ended up <mod edit - method>to death. My friend is in therapy he is doing well at times but sometimes he relapsed and then I had to go and visit him in the hospital, all drugged up. It ripped me apart to see my friend and grandmother being here but at the same time not being here. My brother is on meds too (anger issues and mentally disabled) they have to change it every time because of the side effects. So I have seen my fair share of people I care about not doing well mentally and being "helped". Of course I know everyone is different and should be looked upon differently but I wish there was another way to help guide me out of the darkness, without having to take pills and talk to a proffasional who gets paid to listen to me... All my life I had to be the strong and sound one. So much has happened and every time they turned to me, even when I was a young boy. I can't do it anymore, I'm crashing and burning.