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Therapy

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by Deety, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow. I feel like I am failing therapy though, so before every appointment I wish I could cancel it without causing any wasted time/bother for her. I normally don't cancel just because it would be a waste of her time, but me going is also a waste of time, as I'm not improving. Therefore, it is a waste of resources me seeing her when she could be seeing someone else who might be worth the effort.
    Forgive the ramble, I guess I'm asking how do I get better? (how long is a piece of string haha) And how do I make therapy work so I get better rather than just managing to continue to exist.
    I feel like therapy is just one more thing I'm failing at, so I don't know if it is worth her time to continue seeing me.
     
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  2. Supernova

    Supernova SF Supporter

    You are not worth therapy when you are trying to be the perfect client. Who is worth a therapy? I mean, please, talk to her exactly about this. It might be worth it :))) - deety, a lot of clients might feel your way. Like a waste of time but when you allow you to think that this thought is part of your symptoms and not the whole YOU - you might discover that going there is not for her but for you!
    Are YOU satisfied with the therapy and how the relationship goes? Do you need something different from her but are to - maybe - shy to ask her for it? Do you feel safe with her? DO you talk about certain topics because you feel you have to and leave others out that you think you would much more like to talk about?
    Is the need to function sthg that suddenly appeared within your therapy or do you already know this from before you entered a treatment?
    Stop blaming yourself for not functioning. What is the perfect client? If you are not satified it could be good to talk about it and discover the source of this.
    And hey, she is an adult and shouldnt have problems with letting you know when she is fed up with you. She didnt do it up to now? Maybe because she believes a little more in you than yourself.

    All I ever saw from you on here was nice and like a feathery, beautiful soul. YOU ARE SO DAMN WORTH IT!!!!
    Hugs, Anne
     
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  3. Supernova

    Supernova SF Supporter

    sorry should proof read before I post sthg: should actually mean "It is not worth to be called therapy when you need to try to be the perfect client"
     
  4. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    Thank you for your kind words.
    She has never said I'm not worth the time or effort, but I just feel like I really must be. I feel like I should be progressing but I'm not. I did tell her last time that I felt like a failure at therapy, and what she replied made me think that wasn't a rational thought at the time, but once I'm away again I think it must be true really.
    Also, I must be a pretty hard client to have as I totally shut down at times and barely talk for whole sessions. I find it extremely difficult to talk about my emotions.
     
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  5. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Hey @Deety

    I cancelled my last psychiatrist appointment - I just said to the receptionist "I don't feel like I need to see him and don't have much to say". I know he's pretty flat-out and I didn't have the money (it isn't much but I need the whole $180 or so before getting money back).

    I usually talk to him about some drama I've had or am having, and get scripts for meds (to be honest, that's a big factor). I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for over 20 years and I still get severe anxiety, but I don't feel like a failure (much heh).

    My GP once said "talking changes your brain".. So if you don't get much human contact it can be therapeutic just talking. As for getting better, I don't know, but you can learn strategies (some might work, some might now) from a therapist. I mainly just talk about my issues with other people and see what he has to say.
     
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  6. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle SF Supporter

    Hi @Deety

    I asked a similar question fairly recently. People say you've got to work at therapy and you get out what you put in. But I didn't know how to put more in. I'm brutally honest, I get on well with her, trust her. I decided to persevere for a while longer and I'm glad I did. I'm now just beginning to feel like we're getting somewhere. There's a long way to go and I still don't know if I'll ever be 'fixed' but it's a start.

    How long have you been seeing them? And how often? I've been seeing my therapist weekly since October so it's taken a while to get where we are. Maybe with you it's also just a matter of time. After all it took many years to get to where we are now so it stands to reason that it's not going to be a quick process undoing all those years of negativity.
     
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  7. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    I see her every three weeks at the moment, other times it's been weekly or fortnightly. I've been seeing her for just over a year at the moment, but also saw her after a previous attempt, for about 6 months maybe 2.5yrs ago. I had another therapist in between, who I saw privately. The other therapist said she couldn't see me after my last attempt as she didn't think it was safe and that I needed more help than she could provide.
    Part of my wanting to not waste my current psychologist's time is due to the fact she is part of the public mental health system, hence it's free, but I figure there's got to be other people worse off than me who might be more worth the time than me.
    Normally to see my psychologist you need to be with the community mental health team, seeing a psychiatrist and mental health nurse as well. But I did not want that due mainly to my occupation (nurse) and she even lets me through at the back entrance, because I hate going in the front way with reception and a bunch of people there. So... I'm kind of a pain!
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2018
  8. Supernova

    Supernova SF Supporter

    it is more important I guess that you felt your anxiety to be a burden was not rational....all the changes afterwards are changes that are thought-based again.
    when you feel socially anxious and have difficulties with opening up to someone than you have these problems for a good reason.
    Sometimes I do not fear the sessions but what my head turns all that into when I have left again.
    I am proud you opened up.
    I spend two years with nearly never ever saying one word. And up to today I rarely look into my therapists face. But we worked through all this. Sometimes it works and I feel closeness and progress and then my head is messing all up and I seem to go back to start again. You know just going there for more than 2 years now was the work I could do at that time....I oftenfelt like a burden and now....very slowly...I try to understand that he really means me when he talks to me.....most often (says my head, just to make sure it does not sound too positive)

    do you get what I mean?
     
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  9. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    I do get what you mean, thank you. I will also try to talk to her about it tomorrow.
     
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  10. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle SF Supporter

    As it's part of the public mental health system and therefore probably very oversubscribed my guess is she wouldn't continue to see you if she felt it was a waste of time. She must see something in you that you don't. You are as worthy of help as anyone else, please believe that.
     
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  11. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    Thank you, I will try to keep that in mind.
     
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  12. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    I've mainly seen a psychiatrist but I thought he'd retired so I went to this psychologist in 2015. Things were going pretty well but then she cancelled two appointments in a row and rescheduled, then sent me a text with the completely wrong day and time. I knew she went to conferences interstate and stuff, so I felt like that whole career side was more important than her clients. So I "sacked" her (cancelled the appointment and never made another one). To be honest, I've never got much out of psychologists. Before this forum I was on one for sufferers of anxiety and depression for 5 years, and I got more out of that.
     
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  13. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Pro SF Supporter

    Hiya Deety. There's not a lot I can add to what the others have said but I thought I'd put my tuppence worth in.

    I've got counselling tomorrow too. I started a few years back and was very skeptical at first. It took me a long time to settle into it and start trusting the therapist, but once I did I started to see results.

    One thing I can say for certain is that it is impossible for anyone to fail at therapy. It is simply there to be whatever you need it to be at that point in your life. Just because it doesn't seem to be working at the moment doesn't mean it will always be that way. You are definitely not wasting anytime, that of yours or hers. The resources are there for anyone who needs them, and you are just as worthy of that resource as the next person. You are absolutely worth the effort and I truly hope you see that one day.

    This is not a ramble but a genuine concern of yours, so please don't ask forgiveness. In my humble opinion, this is your first step to helping her to help you. By realising your worth you will begin to open up in ways you never thought possible. Therapy is more about talking to ourselves than anything else. Just like everyone here, a counselor cannot give you definitive answers; all they can do is walk beside you whilst you search for your own. For some it's virtually instant, whilst for others it can take years. I've only just started to feel the results but they are now coming thick and fast.

    A lot of the time I feel like I've made progress in a session, only to get home to find myself sinking back down; but that's exactly why repetition is essential. By visiting regularly and being honest about your feelings, you'll start picking bits and pieces up without even realising it. If you're struggling to gain anything from it, be honest and give her the chance to adapt her technique to suit you. Counselling is one of those jobs where there isn't a "one size fits all" approach. It has to be tailored over time to each client. A good counselor will be able to draw, from their knowledge and experience, the appropriate guidance for each person. To do this, they will be listening closely to your words and watching your body language, even if you don't think they are. By doing so, they will be able to spot where they need to change tactics, or where they need to concentrate their efforts, but they need something from you to see in the first place; and their efforts are not wasted but rewarded by seeing you heal. That is their purpose and they do this job because they care. All the counselors I've met have become so because of suffering in their own lives at some point. You teach them just as much as they do you; the more challenging the better. My counselor actually thrives on my challenge and has told me so herself. The importance of building a good relationship with them cannot be stressed enough. We now have inside jokes, like the fact she wears boots to our sessions in case she has to "kick" me when I say something to put myself down!

    One thing that did help me dramatically, was realising that the comforting style of therapy wasn't helping me. It took me a while to pluck up the courage to say so, but I'm glad I did as she didn't take it as a criticism and simply adjusted to suit. We now talk about more technical aspects of healing and we talk a lot about the theory behind some of the techniques used. This is just what I prefer, but my point is you can ask for what you need, rather than settling for what you are given. If you're not comfortable with something, say so. Mine has even advised me to take a foundation course in TA therapy as she thinks it will help my "engineering brain" to understand my issues more clearly.

    I'll stop there as I think I've successfully shown you what a true rambler is capable of! :p Seriously though, I could talk about this subject until the proverbial cows came home; so if you ever want to talk more about it, even to a wally like me, feel free to keep posting questions or PM me.

    Stay safe and I hope the counselling goes well. {{Hedgehugs}}
     
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  14. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    I feel like this is a great topic to mention .. in therapy!
     
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  15. Supernova

    Supernova SF Supporter

    Any updates available?
     
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  16. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Pro SF Supporter

    I was literally typing the same thing!! You beat me to it :eek::p

    How did the therapy go Deety, if you don't mind me asking? How are you feeling now?
     
    Deety likes this.
  17. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    Hi,
    So I didn't end up mentioning it in therapy after all. I got in there and talked about my oldest son instead (I worry about him a lot - the way he is treated at his father's house. I feel completely helpless to make his life better). So... what was on my mind, but also a way of avoiding talking about my deeper feelings. My next appointment is next week, so I promise to try then.
    I'm feeling ok about therapy at the moment (kind of), the not wanting to go because I don't deserve to be there is always worst for the few days before an appointment.
    And a big thank you for enquiring about how it went, again I don't feel deserving of that hence why I didn't reply straight away.
     
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  18. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    Hi Deety, I don’t know your whole story but I do.know that you are one of the most caring, responsive people on this site. You are always there for others so when people ask after you it is because you Bring out the love in them for you, because you are one of life’s special people. Sending you a hug and hoping the counselling works out. Xx
     
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  19. Deety

    Deety SF Supporter

    That made me tear up, thank you! xx
     
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  20. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    X X ❤️
     
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