Therapy

[Karmitkurmit]

Hi,
So I didn't end up mentioning it in therapy after all. I got in there and talked about my oldest son instead (I worry about him a lot - the way he is treated at his father's house. I feel completely helpless to make his life better). So... what was on my mind, but also a way of avoiding talking about my deeper feelings. My next appointment is next week, so I promise to try then.
I'm feeling ok about therapy at the moment (kind of), the not wanting to go because I don't deserve to be there is always worst for the few days before an appointment.
And a big thank you for enquiring about how it went, again I don't feel deserving of that hence why I didn't reply straight away.

Hiya Deety. To be honest, this sounds like you've done exactly the right thing. I often go to my counselling with an idea of what I want to talk about but sometimes something completely different comes out. When I try to correct it, my counselor stops me and asks more about what I was saying. That's the beauty of therapy, the most important things tend to come out when they need to. If your son was on your mind then that's what needed to be said.

Take your time, the deeper feelings will come out when they're ready and you're feeling more comfortable. The feelings of not deserving before hand you already know are coming, so at least they're not a shock to you. Hopefully, as you settle into it, they'll start to fade; but bring those up with the therapist when you can, it'd be a great place to start as it's not too deep but does touch on your underlying issues.

As for not feeling deserving of our time, I've got to agree completely with @Winter Blues . There's no pressure, but don't ever feel like you can't post here; you are just as worthy of this space as anyone and we care for you. If you weren't deserving we wouldn't be asking about it. Also, I don't know your entire story yet, but if you want to talk about your concerns over your son I'm all ears and eyes.

You're doing great, just try to look forward to next weeks session rather than dreading it.

 

[Deety]

Well I might be failing in therapy in another way too... gone from 3 weeks in between sessions, to two weeks (saw her again today), and now 1 week until my next appointment. Hmmm. I'd been crying most of the morning before my session today.

 

[Karmitkurmit]

Well I might be failing in therapy in another way too... gone from 3 weeks in between sessions, to two weeks (saw her again today), and now 1 week until my next appointment. Hmmm. I'd been crying most of the morning before my session today.

Hello Deety. It's great to see you here, I was wondering how you were getting on?

I'll keep this short and sweet because there's a simple answer here; you can't fail therapy and certainly not because you're going more often. It is important to build a relationship with your counselor and three weeks in between sessions won't make that easy. I'm currently having a session a week, including today. If you need more reassurance, I mentioned your comment to my psychotherapist (I found out that's her official title, lol) today and she said that once a week is ideal and what she would recommend to any of her clients, as she did me. What you've actually done is improve your therapy and have given yourself the best chance of healing faster. Well done to you.

I'm so sorry you have been crying before hand. Did you mention it to her? Like I said before, I would assume that this may start to fade over time, I look forward to mine now rather than apprehensive.

My thoughts are with you and I hope you see improvements soon. Special St David's Day {{Hedgehugs}} to you

 

[Deety]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply @Karmitkurmit , sorry I only just noticed I never replied again. I am thinking of quitting therapy. I don't think I can change my thinking, I am too resistant. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just am and don't feel like I can change that. All the theory and things I'm told make sense, but I can't put it into practice very well. I must be very frustrating, and I hate being like this. I don't know why I am like this, there's no reason I should be. I am pushing everything and everyone away at the moment, and I always prefer to ignore my problems rather than deal with them. I am good at blocking things I don't want to think about, except as my psychologist said, I really am thinking about them anyway, which is true, but I don't know how else to be.

 

[Winter Blues]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply @Karmitkurmit , sorry I only just noticed I never replied again. I am thinking of quitting therapy. I don't think I can change my thinking, I am too resistant. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just am and don't feel like I can change that. All the theory and things I'm told make sense, but I can't put it into practice very well. I must be very frustrating, and I hate being like this. I don't know why I am like this, there's no reason I should be. I am pushing everything and everyone away at the moment, and I always prefer to ignore my problems rather than deal with them. I am good at blocking things I don't want to think about, except as my psychologist said, I really am thinking about them anyway, which is true, but I don't know how else to be.

Deety, I feel so very much for you here .. I am exactly the same. I compartmentalise my pains and fears and can keep them in my brain .. but when they open up it’s like an explosion! I’m stubborn, resistant to change. I so, so hope you manage to find a way that suits you. I don’t think counselling is for everyone and perhaps not for us .. but there has to be a way to open up and share. I wish you peace sweetheart, I truly do xxx

 

[Karmitkurmit]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply @Karmitkurmit , sorry I only just noticed I never replied again. I am thinking of quitting therapy. I don't think I can change my thinking, I am too resistant. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just am and don't feel like I can change that. All the theory and things I'm told make sense, but I can't put it into practice very well. I must be very frustrating, and I hate being like this. I don't know why I am like this, there's no reason I should be. I am pushing everything and everyone away at the moment, and I always prefer to ignore my problems rather than deal with them. I am good at blocking things I don't want to think about, except as my psychologist said, I really am thinking about them anyway, which is true, but I don't know how else to be.

Hiya Deety. Don't worry and try not to frustrate yourself too much as it only makes things worse. I honestly do know where you're coming from; I am an expert at blocking out my problems almost as if they never existed in the first place. For a long time therapy wasn't working, although I enjoyed the theory and the hour to vent, but a couple of sessions have now seen real breakthroughs and opened my mind to new possibilities as to the route course of my problems that I hadn't considered before.

I am actually thinking of quitting too, although mainly for financial reasons, but if I could afford it I think I would definitely continue. It can be frustrating but try not to see it as that from their point of view. My therapist quite enjoys the challenge of my odd little brain and we often have a laugh in our sessions. As Winter says, therapy isn't for everyone and even if it was there will always be times when it just doesn't seem worth it, but that's the point. It is designed to challenge our current way of thinking in order to help us break away from the self destructive routine we have found ourselves stuck in. You know yourself better than anyone, so if you really feel that it just isn't something that can help you then that's okay, but I would highly recommend you tell your therapist this and allow them to book a final few sessions to at least give them a chance to change tack, and/or to say goodbye for now and perhaps leave you with some final thoughts and some form of direction.

I personally think you took a huge step by even going to therapy and perhaps you've forgotten that or taken it for granted, which is easily done. Give it a few more at least and tell them what's on your mind. If you still can't see it working for you then don't treat it as a failure but rather a positive decision you have made for yourself based on your own feelings; this in itself is still progress and a sign that you are taking control of your own mind and actions. At the end of the day you can always start it again if you change your mind. Maybe increase the time between sessions to begin with, say every two weeks instead of one, and see how that feels. Trust me on this one, not every session will make you feel like you're improving, some have actually made me feel worse, but they all add up to building a strong foundation for yourself. It's a well know philosophy that sometimes we need to break ourselves down in order to rebuild into what we want.

As a final thought, it might help if you come back here and talk out some of your feelings after sessions. I know it helps me to use what I've learned in everyday life, and I often quote the theories that I'm taught in counselling, right here at SF. It may seem like I'm preaching sometimes, but actually by typing them out it helps me to put them into some perspective and I benefit from discussing them far more than anyone else does. Try it; you're always welcome to keep posting here and I'm sure we can work through the process together, or PM me if there's ever anything you'd rather keep more private.

I hope you can find a way to make yourself feel better long term, whether that be through therapy or just good old fashioned self determination; but whatever you do, stay safe and don't lose hope. {{Hedgehugs}}

 

[Innocent Forever]

There are so many different kinds of therapies.... not all involve changing your thinking.
Sending love and light your way.