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Therapy

#1
Hey, just wanted to let you know that I decided to give therapy another try. Even though it's really expensive, it's better to lose all of my money than to stay the evil person I am.
So I wrote a mail to a therapist I thought seemed quite nice and trustworthy, but he didn't reply. I don't know why he didn't but I don't want that setback to change my mind. So I wrote another mail to another therapist, but didn't get a replay neither. I guess I'll wait for a few days. But I think it sucks. If that happens to other people as well maybe they change their mind and never get into therapy although they need it.
Also I hope that if any of them replys that I get an appointment quite soon, as my guilt is really killing me at the moment. And further I hope that I finally find a therapist that can help me and doesn't pressure me to things I can't do. We'll see how it works, so at least I have something to wait for so that I don't have the current need to kill myself.
 
#2
it's better to lose all of my money than to stay the evil person I am.
I don't think you're evil at all.

While it's good that you're seeking help, going broke doesn't sound good. If you don't feel like you're getting your money's worth out of therapy, there may be some other approaches to try. There might also be some lower-cost options like group therapy, or other treatments.

I hope something can help.
 
#3
I don't think you're evil at all.
Well thanks, but that's because you don't know me. If you did you would think the same.

The therapists I contacted are still in their final stage of therapist training (sorry, English isn't my native language and I don't know the right word), so they offer their sessions for a little bit cheaper. But as I think that it will take a long time for me to become a normal human being, it will be expensive all together. But I don't have anything else to spend my money on, so I guess it's okay.
 
#5
Why do you think that you're evil?
Because I treaded my ex boyfriend so bad, that I lost him and maybe ruined his life. I always want things my way. I don't have friends because I never really care about them. I love my family, but in most other people I always see the bad things. I used to belittle other people to feel better about myself. I always put it in people's faces when I do something nice for them. I gossip a lot, and even though I hate it, I can't stop. I thought that I'm a good person and therefore felt better than other people. When I'm angry I insult others. When someone hurts me, I want to hurt them back. I just suck at being social. And I just know that I'm evil or at least not a good person. And I know that everybody always says that I feel guilty about it makes me a good person, but that's not true. If I were a good person I would stop being this way.


There might be some other treatments that you could try
Which treatments?
 
#6
Because I treaded my ex boyfriend so bad, that I lost him and maybe ruined his life.
It doesn't sound like you were so bad to him. You just told him how you were really feeling, and he couldn't handle that.
I always want things my way
When I'm angry I insult others. When someone hurts me, I want to hurt them back
Pretty much everyone is like this though.
in most other people I always see the bad things
Enough people behave badly that it's easy to become suspicious of people that you don't know.
I used to belittle other people to feel better about myself
That's not a nice thing to do, but at least it's in your past.
I gossip a lot, and even though I hate it, I can't stop
That's not nice either, but at least you're trying to change.

It sounds like you have a fairly minor set of ordinary human flaws rather than being evil.

I think the answer may be to try to be a good person, but then accept yourself as you are.
This link has some information on treatment methods. There might be at least one that appeals to you.

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help
 

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