i'm going to see my doctor tomorrow, to talk to him about going to a therapist. i'm scared but also kind of hopeful i guess. i just don't want to end up with some person staring at me, expecting me to just blurt out all these problems and do nothing. i guess i just don't know how they go about trying to help people and i sort of want a guarantee that it will help when really i know it might not. tonight i've gone through so many different scenarios in my head, of how it might go tomorrow, how i might react, whether i'll cry and whether i'll still just feel like taking XXXXXX. i don't want to fail at this too, like everything else.