Well. I finally got to see one of the counsellors offered through my workplace today. I know they're not a long term solution, but her helpful advice of "I won't be able to see you every week, nor will I be able to offer you long term support" combined with "you're not a real borderline, because real borderlines do x y z" was not ideal. I know that I haven't had an official diagnosis, and there is a part of me that knows that she cannot give me a diagnosis because she's a counsellor not a psych doctor, but that was part of the reason I was there - to find out how I can GET an official diagnosis. In fact there are a number of diagnoses I think would apply - but don't we all think that? Dismissing my concerns, which is exactly how I felt, did NOT help the situation. AND GOD I HATE THOSE AWKWARD SILENCES!!! Still, she has given me some details on who to go to next. Just feels like an entirely endless cycle, and I wonder what the point is. I'm often told I have a lot of insight into my problems like this is supposed to be a good thing. The thing is, I might have insight into the reactions I have, identifying them, knowing they're not rational - but that doesn't help me STOP the reactions. Sometimes I wish I didn't have insight, because the insight just makes the problem worse - I know there's something wrong, I just don't know how to fix it, and the more that I think about the fact that I have "insight" and therefore should be able to fix it, the worse I feel for not being able to fix it. Ya know? Anyway, so I have her paperwork to go somewhere else and no follow up visit with her so I guess I'm back on my own to sort out trying to find somewhere else to go and fix my messed up brain. What I'm not clear about in the meantime is medications. Is it worth going to my GP to ask her to prescribe some medications? I've tried to read a bit about this, and I'm concerned. I know that I have depression, but I also think there's something else there - borderline, bipolar or schizoaffective I haven't quite decided. So if I take antidepressants when I need antipsychotics, is it worth messing around with until I have a diagnosis? This is the only reason I'm concerned about having an official diagnosis - so that I can get the right meds for it, and to understand what I'm actually dealing with. Any thoughts?