Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Lost2, Jul 16, 2011.

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  1. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    I have finally been accepted for funding at a trauma centre - I can have 12 sessions of therapy probably including EMDR
    I have been fighting for this for months and now that I have got it, it is kind of scary - what if I don't like it? Will they make me talk about things I have never told anyone? Who will help me if I fall apart? but most of all what if it isn't the cure it is supposed to be???
    AAHHHHHH it is scary and my nightmares and flashbacks are bad enough
    However, I wont know if I dont try
    Has anyone had any therapy that has helped? :Leiaha:
  2. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I don't want to scare you and much less discourage you. I think what you are doing is brave. I am sending you all the courage and best wishes I can. This is for you if it is okay. :hug:

    It gave me flashbacks and still does, it was very scary, and they will push you to the edge of your comfort zone. Still I will tell you nothing good can comes easy. It will be very difficult but it is something you need to do.

    "what if I don't like it?"
    Well if it doesn't work you are in the same position you are in now, but if it does work/help you will begin to heal.

    "Will they make me talk about things I have never told anyone?"
    They will encourage you to talk about what happened to you, but you won't be made to. Still if they ask you to talk about something don't bite your tongue and clam up. Dig in your feet and be the brave person we all know you are. The mere fact you are seeking treatment makes you brave.

    "Who will help me if I fall apart? but most of all what if it isn't the cure it is supposed to be?"
    We will help you and anyone else you trust enough to share with. Don't think of therapy like a cure, but a treatment. Believe me we all want a cure but unfortunately a magic pill doesn't exist. It's more like a burn victim. Daily cleaning of wounds and removal of dead tissue, all which are very painful. Still the pain leads to a new beginning in time.

    I wrote a poem about my first meeting with my psychologist. It was part of my therapy. Here it is if you want to read it.

    Familiar Costume

    my trembling hands are concealed
    in the secret comfort of my pockets
    fingernails claw at covered skin
    digging for courage and realism

    my feet nervously bounce on the floor
    struggling to remain glued in place
    itching for a fight or flight response
    they search for traction or quick escape

    my chest pounds out a steady drum beat
    emotions are timidly trying to escape
    by breaking through a corporeal bond
    trapped in assumed comfort crying for help

    my eyes drip out a vision of freedom
    seeing narrowly through a disguising mask
    shaking hands try to push back in the truth
    but serve to resituate a familiar costume
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you will have the support of the professionals they will not let you be overwhelmed or harmed You will need to push through the sadness okay you can I think it is a good move you are doing hun let us know how it works out.
  4. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    Thankyou for your replies - I'm glad I have found this place for support as you understand where I am and don't judge me
    I haven't heard when the therapy will start yet but have an appointment with my psych on Wed
    I have a real dilemma as I have been med free since Feb but have recently been having really strong suicidal thoughts and urges and keep crashing big time
    I have an abcsess from a cut atm and am all over the place
    So do I start on new medication and have therapy all at once or do I hold off on one or the other
    I dont really have a support system strongly in place when things get hard but I want the therapy to work without me being zonked out on drugs - hard!!!:anony:
  5. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    Just been to the docs and got some antibiotics that are enormous!
    Not looking forward to my appointment with the psych tomorrow as I really want him to understand how much I am struggling and how strong my suicidal urges are but I don't want him to say I am not strong enough to have the therapy if I tell him the truth
    How can I deal with my thoughts, flashbacks and nightmares without the trauma therapy but how can I keep safe without the meds??
    I am so mixed up:unsure:
  6. Jeserai

    Jeserai Well-Known Member

    At our place it is normal to have meds next to the traumatherapy. I'm not even allowed to do anything without meds... If I don't take my meds I get suicidal (with meds just sometimes). So, to be able to be in therapy I have my meds.

    I don't know if you do know how EMDR does work? It helps to re-store your memories so the memories will hurt less (also the nightmares and the flashbacks).
    If you have an EMDR-session. Probably the first three days you will feel miserable. But after that three days it will get better.
  7. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    That makes sense - I think I need to write things down before I see my psychiatrist so that I ask the right questions and don't feel frustrated after the appointment
    It's just that in my experience if you are not a quivering wreck during an appointment you don't seem to get anywhere. If I go to that appointment tomorrow and am organised and strong then they won't take me seriously - its stupid!
  8. Jeserai

    Jeserai Well-Known Member

    Good luck tomorrow!
  9. Lost2

    Lost2 Well-Known Member

    Well that was a waste of time - he didn't listen to me and hadn't read my notes
    He wouldn't change my meds and said he would see me again in November! What is the point when I told him I was suicidal and was abusing the current benzos that they dole out like smarties to try and keep us quiet? I can not do this anymore - I give in
  10. Jeserai

    Jeserai Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear how you psych reacted. It isn't right. Is there some one else you can reach to? Till November is way too long. How about your traumatherpay, when does it start?
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