So I'm talking to my therapist wednesday and she's straight forward and she asks if im suicidal and i say yes, then she asks if i have a plan set up. i say yes.......im sent to the hospital. i just got out today. while i was there i was so pissed but now looking back on it it was actually a really great thing for me. I now know i have OCD, major depresive disorder and some anxienty disorder and now i have meds for all of them. I also flushed my stash. It was extremely hard, i stood at the toilet for a good while and a tear even came down. but when i let them fall from the container and land in the toilet i put my hand on the flusher and waiting a second, then pushed.....it felt sooo good. it was better than any cut or any burn. It wasnt just relief and it was more than hope.....it was the begining of happiness. I realized if i plan to become happy, i can't keep extreme negatives in my pressense. I know how hard it is to come out but once it does and you get on that wagon.... god it feels good, i really hope that some more people hear can experience what i have.