'There are no clocks in misery.. just an endless ticking.." JW

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by crumbum, Feb 1, 2016.

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  1. crumbum

    crumbum Member

    It comes like a darkness sucking in the back of my neck.. my ears pop.. my eyes vacate.. an emptiness grows and grows inside of me. I can feel it sometimes days before its full force. A storm that's coming.. no matter what. For days or sometimes weeks I'm a zombie. Propped up only by my need to work, to eat, to sleep.. animal function. All the time I'm someone else.. no who they think I am.. not who I was.. not who I'm expected to be. It devastates me. Every minute seems like an hour. This endless ticking.. this endless living.. for nothing.. for no one.. I can't anymore. I can't anymore... I CAN'T ANYMORE! LEAVE ME ALONE BREATH LIFE LIVING WORLD!!!!!!!! I'm DEAD already! WHY PRETEND ANY LONGER?
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I can understand the feeling - and the thought process. Sometimes it is important to differentiate a thought process and series of feelings and emotions from reality- because while a person can address a physical situation, the only thing that can be done with feelings and thought processes is to either "cope" ie- decide they are insignificant and don't matter , which clearly they are not and they do , or change the thinking - which is just the ever so helpful advice of "just stop feeling down all the time and you will be fine" and thinking it is actually possible to do that.

    On the other hand, once we step away from the self inflicted continuation of being stuck in our own mind and instead look around at the real physical environment we are actually living in , as opposed to the mind where we decided to exist to shut out the world- then we can see the actual issues that can be changed and things that can be done. Once the physical realities are changed, then the mental thought processes that make a mind a prison can be changed as well. But we cannot change the physical world from within the mental thought process- just remind ourselves of how impossible it is.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear you oh dam eh it is so hard when depression sucks the life out of you Please try try to bring comfort to you ok do something that will break that darkness you are in. Get some music on get some light in to your room make sure you eat ok and drink so you have strength to fight Keep talking to us ok keep reaching out to all around you If you can get them to take you out be around someone don't isolate yourself talk to someone on phone Hope tomorrow you feel a little stronger
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