There has to be losers in the world

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Count Floyd, Jul 28, 2013.

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  1. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I'm not like most of the folks here. I don't have the potential for anything good to happen. On a recent questionnaire there was a question "what's the greatest thing that's ever happened to you." I had no answer. I was registering a credit card online today, and there was about 20 test questions it asked to make sure you're you - 18 of them were all related to spouse and kids. I had to go with "your dad's middle name" and "high school mascot." I've been the most unlucky person throughout my life. Never got any breaks. I've been with lots of women and it never lasts and I've probably made some bad decisions in that regard - every decision I make is the wrong one. You see, I'm old. I'm 50. There is no chance for anything good to happen. My family thinks I'm a big loser and talk about it among themselves often. I told my sister I that I know about it and didn't appreciate them saying that crap in front of nieces and nephews recently (of course as is always the case, she denies it). The company I work for was bought out and is going to have layoffs soon and I know I'll be apart of it. That will be the end for me. I've had depression all my life and it's not like I'm some fat slob who lies around watching TV all day. I play softball and bowling and run everyday, I'm in great shape. But nothing is happening for me. After 50 years. I've had it. I can't go on. There isn't a day that goes by where the phrase "I want to die" doesn't cross my mind. I'm pretty sure this will be the year. I've talked about it here before and among others and always get the phrase "hang in there, it will get better." No. It won't. So please don't patronize me with that line. If I was 20, I could see potential for things getting better. But I"m 50. I am a waste of space on this earth, I admit it and accept it. I'm getting stuff in order now. Hopefully it will happen soon. I hate me and I hate being here. Thank you for your time.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I often feel exactly the same.
    Recovering from shit in your 50s is just so hard, no one wants you in the job sector, body starts letting you down and I seem to have become invisible.
    What I have found though is that the more you do for others the better you feel about yourself.
    The homeless need feeding and clothes, I used to do a soup run but arthritis has made that too difficult, so now I collect clothes for the Simian Community, which dedicates itself to helping the down and out.
    I cook for the Salvation Army Christmas dinners for the homeless.
    It's not much, but they appreciate it and I don't feel such a useless lump.
    And I tell you this, anyone you help doesn't think your a loser!
     
  3. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I do tons of animal rescue. I also give platelettes once a month to the red cross and have been for 19 years. To my family, I"m an "animal hoarder" (they don't know what that even means)
    I just have no energy to spend time helping people anymore. I give up.
     
  4. Pertokeyo

    Pertokeyo Banned Member

    You've lived a long life, but just because you're 50 doesn't mean it ends there. Consider the opportunities to influence the family around you. You can be a positive force within your family just by interacting and being positive to them. By doing that you can make a difference and you can mean something to them. Whatever the adults think about you is not what the kids think, so try and make a positive impression on their minds too. Give them a reason to think about you, and they will.

    You said you enjoy sports. Tell your family that you enjoy sports and offer to do sports with the family. Yes they'll probably refuse, but the intention is extremely important because the fact that you asked will always be a light in their minds, even if they choose to ignore it. That's the thing you see, on the outside it often appears that you don't mean anything, but deep inside you mean a lot to them, and you will always have the potential to mean more.
     
  5. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Ugh, I understand you mean well and I appreciate your time but your advice is awful. As I stated in my first post, my family thinks I"m a big loser. Offering to "do sports" with the family would gather odd stares. They know I play sports and they don't care. I stopped caring about what my family thinks a long time ago.
     
  6. Degenerate Escapist

    Degenerate Escapist Well-Known Member

    To me, it doesn't sound like you are a loser; you're active in your life, you have a job(even if not for long), you take care of animals that need a good home, and you've had a few relationships. That's more than other people can say at that age. So you're not happy? Maybe you should try to focus on doing new things; change careers; find new friends; get a new hobby; date more.

    I'm sorry if that's a simple answer with poor suggestions, but what I'm intending on saying is that there's more to life out there for you that you may not have experienced, and that there's bound to be something that will help you reestablish your worth and help you feel content.

    You should look on the bright side; you're not a detriment to society; you're not a bad person; you may feel like you've wasted your life, but you're still healthy and have plenty of time ahead of you. The world needs decent people, so don't go throwing your life away.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2013
  7. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Again, thanks for your time but you write that like I'm going to go "gee, find new friends, date more. Man, why didn't I think of that?

    That is why Im' hestitant to post about myself in this forum. The responses to us older folks are just awful. Younger people come in here and write stuff like that and I realize your intentions are good but it doesn't help in any way. It's almost insulting. Yes, I'm 50, I didn't think about dating more or finding new friends. Thanks for the tip.

    This will be the last post about myself. Clearly most people don't understand. And as I've stated numerous times in here, I understand I have that chemical in my brain that gives me depression and bad thoughts about myself but leaving posts in here has done nothing but make it worse.

    As for a detriment to society - I am a waste of space. Someone of worth could be living in my house and working my job. I'm taking up space. I serve no purpose. I know it and accept it. I do not have a lot of time ahead of me.

    I ask no one else respond to this thread, the responses are just awful and not helpful.
     
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