I'm not like most of the folks here. I don't have the potential for anything good to happen. On a recent questionnaire there was a question "what's the greatest thing that's ever happened to you." I had no answer. I was registering a credit card online today, and there was about 20 test questions it asked to make sure you're you - 18 of them were all related to spouse and kids. I had to go with "your dad's middle name" and "high school mascot." I've been the most unlucky person throughout my life. Never got any breaks. I've been with lots of women and it never lasts and I've probably made some bad decisions in that regard - every decision I make is the wrong one. You see, I'm old. I'm 50. There is no chance for anything good to happen. My family thinks I'm a big loser and talk about it among themselves often. I told my sister I that I know about it and didn't appreciate them saying that crap in front of nieces and nephews recently (of course as is always the case, she denies it). The company I work for was bought out and is going to have layoffs soon and I know I'll be apart of it. That will be the end for me. I've had depression all my life and it's not like I'm some fat slob who lies around watching TV all day. I play softball and bowling and run everyday, I'm in great shape. But nothing is happening for me. After 50 years. I've had it. I can't go on. There isn't a day that goes by where the phrase "I want to die" doesn't cross my mind. I'm pretty sure this will be the year. I've talked about it here before and among others and always get the phrase "hang in there, it will get better." No. It won't. So please don't patronize me with that line. If I was 20, I could see potential for things getting better. But I"m 50. I am a waste of space on this earth, I admit it and accept it. I'm getting stuff in order now. Hopefully it will happen soon. I hate me and I hate being here. Thank you for your time.