there is hope...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by argos, Feb 15, 2009.

  1. argos

    argos New Member

    hi all

    i am currently going through some pretty intense and sad times...
    there are alot of things on my mind...yet i dont really have anyone i could talk to about these things. i have a hard time showing weaknesses to others.

    i have never felt like this before...i broke up with my long term girlfriend a while ago and since then i have been partying alot taking drugs in clubs to keep my mind of her...i completely isolated myself from family and friends. I realized that i had to open myself up to a new relationship so that i could move on with my life, but i find it incredibly difficult to develop any serious interest in any girls that i have met in the past months...girls that i meet interest me in the moment of being high and or drunk but in a sobber state not at all...the weird thing is that in most of the moments i am sure that i dont want a relationship with my last girlfriend again either (but im not sure weather im just refusing to accept that i do)....i feel like im stuck in the purgatory of dating and relationship...
    the worst thing is that i know that these feelings are only amplified by the consumption of drugs...yet i still continue taking seems that the short moments of joy during a club night on drugs...are worth the incredible pain i feel after the next day from being soo depressed and thinking about suicide. the weird thing is that i have pretty much since my teenager times thought about suicide. i never attempted it, but i always thought to myself that if life ever gets too hard to bear with you could just end it...lately i have been having these thoughts constantly...i have always been an energetic, happy and nice person to everyone, yet lately i lack the energy and motivation to do many of the daily chores. nonetheless i still have an incredibly strong will to live. i know that the drugs are stealing my energy to live yet currently they are the only source of any sort of happiness that i have. i know that one of the reasons that i go to parties is that i find someone that understands me, and thats worth trying to live a better and healthier life for again. however im pretty sure that thats not quite the best strategy for finding a new soul mate! i know that that is contradictory but i kind of makes sense to me...i think

    i just dont have any happiness in my life in the moment...and im not gonna get it by continouing taking drugs so i have decided to try for the millions times to try and quit them...

    im trying to be healthier again and focusing on my work and telling myself that one day in the future will be a better and happier day again.

    thank you for listening...i just had to let this all out and tell someone since i have been carrying it around for a long time...
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. welcome to s.f. i am sorry you are having such sadness and difficulties. i hope you will find support here - there are many caring and understanding people here -

    you have already taken some positive steps - that is such a good start. focusing on your work, trying to live healthier, these are great choices. reaching out here is a positive thing too. please continue to take care of yourSELF.

    pm me if you want to talk. :hug: