There is no light

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by darkplace, Sep 24, 2008.

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  1. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    just blackness. Thats what i saw. Monday. Didnt feel like working. Couldnt stop crying. Nothing triggered me , i just fell. I went to get some paracetamol for my head then i found some other things. So took a big ass nap with the aid of some pills and hard ass vodka. Blackness.
    Woke up Tue night. Parents gave me what for. I just lay there passive.
    Got home this afternoon. Feel like shit. Gonna try and sleep a bit. Or something. I dont believe in God. There was no light. No tunnel. Or maybe you say that i didnt get far enough to see that. I think that we would just wake up somewhere else. I hope that when i die i come back as a bird. Just not human. Anything but human.
     
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry things are tough for you right now?
    Do you dislike your job?
     
  3. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    my job is fine its just i dont see the point to life, you know we work, we pay tax we die before we get to retire. society. and just. life. sigh.
     
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    yes I know how you feel.
    I've said what's the point so many times, I find it so hard to keep a job.
    I've tried to make it about more than the work. I try to make connections with people. Smile at them, make eye contact. I think all work is pointless, but the connections you can make there matter.
    Do you have any friends at your work? Are the people nice there?
     
  5. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    im friendly with the people at work, i can talk to them.
    i have friends outsdie of work, i can talk to them.
    i just dont want to become a old, and freese in my unheated house or die of some chav knifing me. i want to go my way. it safer. and i dont want to pay fuckin tax and work for someone else and be in mysery and w class all my life. i want to do so many things. but they just wont hapen
     
  6. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    how old are you?
    Don't worry about the future. Just worry about now. You can deal with all that when it happens.
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Why can't you do some of the things you would like to do? Life doesn't have to be limited to what you are limiting yourself too. There is so much more out there. Choose something within your limitations and do it. You said you are friendly and have friends and people you can talk to at work. Why not expand that? Invite someone to do something fun for a chanfe. Just a thought. :hug:
     
  8. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    Im 22. I feel like im 35. There is too much stress in this life. To much to worry about. The bottom line is i think that im to lazy to carryon. I have so many things that im taking part in and such but i just dont feel that doing anything or being here is enough anymore. I just wanted out on Monday. Now my mind is spaced and i am thinking that there is no spoon. What can i do now? Carry on here in this life i guess. Try and improve. In the end its all the same ending.
     
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Actually darkplace, being born as a human being as opposed to other animals is a good thing. Human beings are the most evolved life forms on earth as we can think complex thoughts and build complex things etc. I can understand your desire to want to be a bird though. It must be fun to soar in the sky without a care in the world. You're too young to die now though. You're only 22, but feel like 35? I'm 27 but I feel like I'm still 19. :hug:
     
  10. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    People die all the time. Young or old. I however do not want to die old. I want to make the ultimate choice. You can call me selfish. I dont care. I just want to return something i never asked for.
     
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