You are simply a victim of a society which lacks any rituals and fundamental faith. Instead of offing yourself, why not make your way to South America and be adopted into a tribal culture? This is a much more productive and fulfilling way of "living the rest of your life." You don't need to believe that you have any point or purpose or role in life except as a part of nature, because really you don't. Whining and killing yourself is committing the ultimate betrayal of yourself. Moral of the story: tribal life will make you happy.