I don't think there's too much more of life I can take; for me it's just an endless slew of shortcomings, disappointments and general unhappiness. I haven't been happy in a LONG time... the last time I was even moderately ok was when I went to LA over a year ago. I've got shit to look forward to; I wake up every morning and I say to myself "Aw fuck... I'm still alive... why couldn't I just die in my sleep?" I wanted to be the lead singer of a band, still do, but I'm stuck with this retarded shitty voice which is one of the shittiest voices in the entire world and I absolutely hate it. Same with an actor, but I'm an ugly piece of shit with bad skin. I hate my genes; my parents DEFINITELY weren't thinking when it came to me. My one positive trait is I REFUSE to have children; it's one thing for me to suffer, but I could NEVER forgive myself to force a child to suffer the things I do. It's not like a woman would want to sleep with an ugly Chris Kattan looking piece of shit like me anyways; the only one that did is about 20 years older than me and was really drunk at the time. I worked hard as I could, and for WHAT? Me being a pathetic karaoke host that can't sing for shit and can't even work a fucking soundboard no matter how hard he tries. It's BULLSHIT when they say to me "the harder you work, the better at something you get!" BULL-SHIT! The harder I work, the WORSE at it I get if I do it for too long. It's all just more of a sign that I was a mistake bore from 2 mismatched parents who had me way too late in life. Plus, I'm almost out of money, and then when I run out it'll be open season on my emotionally abusive brother to patronize me and then I'll be even more triggered than before. I literally can't think about anything anymore besides suicide. That's it. Nobody's been able to help me; not one shrink, not one pill, not one friend or family member; they just make me feel bad for being hurt, which is the only politically correct way to get away with bullying nowdays. Oh well, at least I'm not in college and I refuse to go back, even if it meant I'd starve to death if I didn't go; it was literally the worst time I ever experienced in my life next to when my dad died. I keep hoping I go to sleep and never wake up ever again; this whole world would be a lot better off without me.