there is no point for me anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by undercoverlover, Mar 27, 2013.

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  1. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    i just dont see a lot of point for me living anymore

    i dont want to live. i always feel anxious or sad or numb and not a lot of things bring me joy. my girlfriend does, but that goes away when we stop talking. and sometimes she makes me sad too. nothing is a permanent fix.

    my next therapist appointment is in a week and i dont know if i can make it. i dont want to. my mom said she’d try to reschedule it but it’s holy week and my mom’s a priest and so is my dad so it makes it hard for both of them to drive me around, plus my therapist has a weird schedule.

    i just want to swallow a bottle of pills and sleep forever.
    i dont even feel like im medicated. theres nothing that can fix me. i want to get away from all this stress.
    i want to die.
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I am sure your girlfriend would miss you greatly and your folks, I am sure if you talk to your mom and say it is urgent you should go then she could work something out?

    sounds like you have a lot going on feeling anxious, sad, numb, anyone of those can be hard impossible to deal with let alone a lot at once, so you are stronger then you think still being here fighting them, so you should be immensely proud of yourself for being here, of course that does not stop the thoughts of wanting to die, they can sneak in unchecked but they are still thoughts very real. But you are here and you are talking, so keep talking, I am sure you can ride through this and see there is everything point to you being here, and I hope sincerely you do remain here

    Take care
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you feel like you will harm you the call the crisis line or go to emergency dept of hosptial and talk to crisis there hun Hugs
  4. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    i want to die so badly
    i told my mom and she said she will try to call my therapist but likely i will not get an appointment
    i am terribly scared of phone calls, the only ones i do are with my girlfriend or when i called the police after my girlfriend's suicide attempt other than that i cannot talk on the phone without having a panic attack.
    i cant do the chat room here because i need to update java or something like that and i cant do that without installation and i need my dad's permission and he wont do it. he will ask what its for and say its not important and im afraid to say that its for a suicide chat room.
    i cant go to the hospital, i cant drive and its too far of walking distance. i dont know how to do it either. i just want the ambulance to come and take me away but the sirens scare me.
  5. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Why do you want die? Is it isolation? You have your gf and your parents, do you have friends, job, hobbies etc? Have you been in therapy long?
  6. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    my girlfriend is 800 miles away, i dont like my family (i love them but dont like them), my friends are all too happy and i pushed them away and now im regretting it. i am too young to get a job but by next year i can. i dont find interest or joy in any of my hobbies anymore. nothing makes me happy. that is why i want to die.
    i dont go into therapy regularly, only when there is a problem, because its too expensive. i havent been in it long, but ive been in and out of therapists trying to find one that is right for me.
  7. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply. It sounds like your isolated and lacking purpose, is there any chance you could join a class, art, music, cooking etc? You seem to have a reciprocal relationship with your therapist, could you join a psychology class or meet other like minded individuals? Try reading up on depression, they normally say stuff like exercise, diet, classes etc all help, but can be insightful. Therapy is expensive and isn't the commonly percieved answer to all mental health problems, but it's better then nothing.
    Maybe trying to express your feelings in an art might be of help, there are so many artists who express "depression" with great compassion and insight. I'm just trying to throw a few ideas out for you my friend so I hope you don't take any offense to my suggestions.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just throwing out a suggestion-couldn't you show this site to your dad, have him get a look around here and see what we're all about. Then perhaps he may be more willing. It's often better to be brutally honest especially when it's a huge issue such as suicide.
  9. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    i dont have a very good relationship with my dad but last night i told my mom everything that was on my mind and she brought my dad in. i was given the option to either go to the ER (where i would have been put on lockdown) or make it through the night and go to my therapist the next day. i chose the latter but my appointment was postponed until tomorrow. ill try to make it until then. thank you
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