There is no point. Probably.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kevinr, Aug 1, 2013.

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  1. Kevinr

    Kevinr New Member

    So.

    As I much upon my homemade poutine, I've decided to finally write a forum post for some input. I've been extremely depressed for the last 7 months or so and it's weird because I feel like I shouldn't be or I guess I feel like I don't have any reason to be given the privileges I have of being born into our great nation(CANADA!). Back in January my girlfriend and only friend and I parted ways for reasons which were my fault. I'm glad we did though because she's with somebody else now and I can see that she is very happy so because of that, I am happy for her and want nothing to do with her. Hm. I suppose that's what started this slum. Anyways, I feel like I shouldn't be or even have the right to be depressed since I'm an accomplished skateboarder with a sponsor. I'm a certified sky-diver(but only 40 jumps logged). I've been accepted to college for September - oh and for Child and Youth Working(LOL) and I have two companion female rats who are extremely playful. I have my entire tuition and residence payed for because of my Native status. I'm someone who cares greatly about the planet, the environment, and all creatures that live on Earth. I'm a vegan animal lover...I'm 23 years old and I'm still a virgin lol. I consider myself fairly decent looking but my last girlfriend still had personal problems to workout before she wanted to. Hm so I guess the reason I feel like killing myself is because I just don't see any reason to live. I'm sure that's a very common reason but when I think about the universe and the Earth I just feel like nothing, none of anything we do is going to matter in a million years. I live in a developed society where, thanks to science and reason, religion is slowly being phased out and so we know that when we die, that's it. Lights out. I won't have any memories of anything I did. I won't care, love, enjoy, nothing. I just don't understand why I should go through the bother of existing when nothing I do or anything humans do will matter after a certain amount of time. Back in February, I spoke with a doctor about my feelings and he concluded that I should take anti-depressants. I said all right and took them home but after extensive reading on too many forums and blogs I decided it's probably best not to take them. I don't speak to anyone other than my companions and I literally think I'm loosing my mind. I've caught myself talking to myself. I've heard voices of people that weren't around me. It's quite the experience...
    I think the only thing that's stopping me is that self-preservation is hard wired into every living thing on this planet and I guess I'm still sane enough to continue questioning. I think I need professional help but there are many many more people that deserve the time with professionals more than I do. My family lives several hours away and unfortunately I don't have that much confidence in my family to convince me that life is worth living.

    Everyday I think about suicide and I'm completely exhausted from it.

    I wanted to write a lot more than I did but what I did write was enough for a forum post I reckon. =P.
    So. I guess I was just wondering what you guys would recommend. Anything would be appreciated. =)
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You know i too did not want to take meds i fought so hard and long not too and wasted many years being depressed I am finally accepting i need t he antidepressant and i can tell you you see things so differently you have energy you did not have before. The meds are just replacing a natural substance your body already has in it but yours in depleted and needs help
    Just as a diabetic needs insulin because they do not produce enought of it we need antidepressant because we do not produce enough of it ourselves

    What do you have to lose try the meds for awhile and see if they help or not they are starting to help me DOnt waste any more time being so low hun get some help ok therapy meds whatever but do it now ok hugs
     
  3. Kevinr

    Kevinr New Member

    I've read a lot of blogs and forums from people who say they've taken them and it's made things worst. I also don't take any kind of medicine ever. All though today I purchased a bottle of Tylenol. I don't know if I will go through with it but my mind keeps wandering in dark places and it forces me to break down in public and find the closest washroom to hide in. I just hate the fact that this is even one of my problems considering people around the world are far worst off than I. Thank you for advice.
     
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I can appreciate the reluctance towards turning to medication given the scenario of how others have felt worse on them. However, your body is different to theirs, and if you never try, how would you ever know for sure which way it goes?

    Also, one recurring theme through people with any level of depression, is the belief that they do not deserve the help. Screw that thought, we're all people and if we need to find the help for ourselves to have a chance of countering it, then so be it. It would be at least worth trying. People here will offer support, advice and the typed version of the listening ear - depending on how open you choose to be regarding everything around you.

    Yes there are quite likely to be people in worse situations, or with a plethora of diagnosed issues rather than one or two, but we all deserve the chance to try to make our lives more manageable than what we find ourselves in. You are no different, as you are a person too - and deserve the equality of getting the support.

    If a doctor has prescribed and advised you try the anti-depressants - then you should in theory do so. That's a format of professional help that you have decided against going down the route of, but is there a chance you could counter it? Yes. Some take years to find the right professional help, some take months. I'd recommend you at least give it a go - and who knows, the current cycle of your life might change for the better.

    Here's an inspirational story from one of our members on site. It shows that perseverance can reap rewards and bring about a positive change.

    http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?127090-Medication-and-depression
     
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