there really is no reason to hope anymore, end of story

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by bleach, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Some people are born to fail. That's the bottom line. You can't have a world full of successes, because life is competition, and somebody is going to lose. I am one of them. I've been an abject failure at everything I've ever attempted. And a;ways i try to cling to hope by saying "Oh, if I could only do this, I would be better.." "If I could only learn to be this way.." but ultimately what it all means is that I can't succeed as myself, i have to be someone else. And I can't be someone else, it isn't possible, so you see that suicide is the only way... the things I want to accomplish are unattainable, so what is the use in still hoping for them? And likewise, if I stop hoping, what is the point in living?... no point at all really. It's peculiar how thin my will to live is... I suppose when you can't succeed, when you have no material reason to hold on, and you know hope is pointless, then self-preservation doesn't seem that important after all. This isn't like I want the world.

    Most of the things I want are normal activities... simple things that even the most painfully average yokels can accomplish with ease. For instance I can't even make a friend... hell i can't even start a conversation with someone I don't know. Do you realize how pathetically fucked up someone has to be to be incapable of the simplest things in life? There are people in mental institutions with more rewarding lives. I've tried to fool myself into thinking I could change in a million different ways. Well it's not happening and it's not going to happen. Life is over for me soon I think, every time I hit a low I feel myself sink a little further.
  2. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    Aye, when we hit rock bottom....someone hands us a jackhammer.
  3. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    That was really well written, it is just how I feel, I just feel like I'm doomed through my social inadequacies.

    The answer is to not let go of the hope, there is nothing left when hope has gone.

    Don't Give up

    Take care

  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You just have to work on your social skills bleach, then things will get bettter. People generally like being around other people who are social, because we like talking and interacting. Give it a shot sometime.
  5. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    I'm not strong enough to overcome my own beliefs about myself. Maybe I don't want to. Maybe I'd rather not realize that I was wrong my whole life, that i can change. But then if that's true, it also confirms what i've always thought about myself, that I'm just a gutless weasel and deserve to be ignored and rejected. Yes, that's it... I don't want a way out... I want to push myself further down until i finally snap and do it. Well so be it, then. Can't go up and can't stay here, so I've got to go down.
  6. downnout

    downnout Well-Known Member

    bleach, I am much the same way socially at the moment. I didn't used to be, but things change... everyone goes through seasons. Don't give up. You can change -- people change all of the time. Circumstances change. Everyone has something they want to change about themselves, people just don't talk about it. It takes time, patience, practice...

    Something one of my extroverted friends told me recently that really challenged the way I'm perceiving social settings at the moment; most people really want to get to know you! It's hard for them to understand the introverted tendency. Don't reinforce the cycle by saying you're not strong enough to 'go up'; You know you are strong enough to 'go up'. Like you said, going down is just going to re-inforce everything.

    Don't get down on yourself that you're having to make this change; just think, some people live their whole lives without coming face to face with themselves like this. Self-realizations are a sign of strength and integrity on their own.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 6, 2008
  7. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Hmm, is that true? That's so different from what I usually hear, people say things like "Everyone is wrapped up in their own problems, they don't even think about you".. I'm not saying you are wrong but I find the contradiction to be a little confusing. I wonder what is real?