There seems no point in keep on going

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Leiavalt, Jan 15, 2012.

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  1. Leiavalt

    Leiavalt Member

    Haven't been around since my last depression phase in May last year. Things started getting better for quite a while. But things are not going as well again. I just see no point in keep on going. The cynicalism in life is eating me up. Trusting people have long been an issue, but I have slowly but gradually lost my faith in humanity. Couple of weeks ago I was at the local beach around midnight alone. I went down the end of the beach line, and felt drawn towards the ocean. It was a storm coming, making it more intense. My feelings in regards to life vent through me, weighing the good against the bad, right and wrong. I stood for a long time while emotions struggled. I almost felt the waves calling for me, but thinking of my family and the ones I hold dear made me step back. But more and more I have started to think I shouldn't just keep on going on behalf of others. Brutal as it may sound, if I find no joy in life and see no light in the future why should I keep on walking as a emptied shell with no real purpose in existing. I have been thinking about just leave everything behind me. Maybe try a new start, get away from this place that is tearing me apart. I can't stay here for much longer, I know that I won't make it. This is a country with little personal warmth, the coldness and stifness in this society is unbearable. The judgemental and talking/gossioping/attitudes of smaller places here. It should be noted that I really managed to regain some life joy when I had a short staying abroad. The cold weather and people in the North of Europe is depressing. But even if I move, I expect that I will end up alone as well there. Is it worth trying you know? But my financial situation makes it no easy move either.
    I do not know what I can do to regain faith in surroundings, but as well in myself and in life. Everything seems to dark now. I have thought about visiting a psychhiatrist, but I fear not being understood or simply dismissed. To tell the truth I really don't have much faith in them. So I'm sitting here at midnight, writing this off, but there really seems no point in keep going.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes there is a point hun your family who does not deserve to fall to the same fate if you left they to will be suffering in pain for years I know hun i live in sadness everyday because someone i cared for suicided not a day goes by do i forget do i move on no !!
    Pdoc could help you you just come right out and say how sad you are and how long you have been this way ask about something to help you remove some of the darkness.
    There are many doors one can open with depression for treatment as it is treatable hun ihope you do talk to your doctor or a pdoc a nd get some help You got out of the darkness once you can again hun hugs
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Leiavalt,

    Before I go any further, I want you to know that I can identify with your feelings of the beach "calling" for you. When I feel hopelessness, sadness and a most painful longing for comfort and understanding, I feel attracted to the sight of natural bodies of water....why that is what it is, I do not know....unfortunately that is as far as my understanding is willing to go.

    Continuing on, I highly recommend giving therapy and/or psychiatric support services a try....while I cannot imagine how tough building trust and communicating your feelings with professionals might seem, my thinking is they can gradually help you learn more coping skills to help you steer clear of these depression that what is happening now, like in May, does not occur as often. After mulling it over some, I hope you decide to revisit the idea of seeking outside support despite the doubts you have about it. Anyways, it is nice to meet you and read your the way, you seem to access your feelings really well, which is a big plus!

    I wish you the best, and I hope you feel better soon. :hug:

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2012
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I will say that I always do my best thinking at night. The peace, the darkness. It does good things for me.

    I just want you to know that I am in the same situation... ish. I too just want to vanish. However, I cannot because of money. I have no faith in anything either. You are not alone in those feelings. I hope you can find a way to start over. I have already checked out. Just waiting for my last attachment to pass and then I will as well.
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