Hello! I am a 48 year old man. Divorced 5 years ago after a long and mostly unhappy marriage. I was at the pinnacle of professional success when the marriage ended. Just left a six-figure a year corporate job to start my own business. The new business was going extremely well. The divorce was ugly. After 20 years of marriage, I got hung with 10 years of alimony. I lost everything in the divorce...my house, my belongings. I spent months living in hotels and staying with friends. After 20 years of marriage, I left the house with just the clothes on my back. My children, grown now, don't want to speak with me. There was no infidelity, I didn't do anything wrong, we just grew apart--but that's another long story. After 5 years of making those huge alimony payments and the business beginning to falter, I find myself in huge financial distress. I've tried every number of sources to resolve the issues, but have had no luck. I am on the verge now of losing my business and what few things I have been able to get for myself since the divorce. A relationship with a woman, started about a year after the divorce has also ended. I spend most of my days living in fear and anxiety. I long for night to come so I can go to sleep and not think. I wake up in the morning in fear. I'm depressed, exhausted, beat up and just at the end of my rope. My network of friends is beginning to dissolve--they are sick and tired of me being sick and tired. My family, wonderful supporters through all of this, have told me to suck it up and figure it out. But, I just don't have the energy to keep fighting the forest fire with a garden hose. I've begun to think about ending my life. Right now, those thoughts are not alarming--they are comforting. I've started writing a suicide note and considered the best way to do it. I've thought about the pain I will leave behind, but the thought of ending it all seems more important than the mess I will leave for friends and family. HELP!