There's a difference between talking with me and talking at me!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by alison, Apr 1, 2008.

  1. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Several of my friends always go on and on about how they love 'talking' and 'catching up', but I just don't understand it. If we were actually having a conversation, then yes, I would get it. But that's not the way it is.

    Last night, I was with my friend for about 3 hours, and I barely said a word. Every time I said something it was like I had to fight to be in the conversation. I heard in endless detail about her spring break, and when she asked me how mine was I started to tell her I was sick. I had barely gotten the words "well, I was pretty sick" out of my mouth before she launched into some story of how she was sick this one time and about how much that sucked.

    And then we watched these videos that she wanted to watch. They weren't even in a language I could speak at all, so I had no idea what was going on. Whenever I suggest something to watch, she's all "yeah... maybe later". I've watched so many movies with her in the past couple years and I can't think of a single movie that I have picked out.

    After we watched some videos, we started 'talking' again. I heard lots of stories about her life (the majority of which I'd heard millions of times before). Something really good happened for my family yesterday, and I tried to tell her, but she started checking her e-mail and was just kind of 'mm-hmm'. I started saying stupid things just to check if she was listening - and she wasn't. At that point I gave up, and didn't say anything else... except the occasional 'wow' or 'that's cool' while acting animated and listening to her.

    I know this is an isolated incident, but I feel like it happens to me all the time. My two 'closest' friends here are both exactly that way. It's like they don't get that I have a personality or a brain or a mouth. They just love to hear the sound of their own voice. It's so frustrating and it just causes me to give up trying to be close with anyone here.

    I'm lucky though, despite being in college for almost 3 years my high school friends and I are still really close. Even though I haven't seen some of them face to face in months, I can call them and we'll ask eachother how we're doing and we'll *listen*. Several of them have told me that if I'm ever feeling too overwhelmed or depressed and I need someone that they would come up here as soon as they could - and the closest of them live a couple hours away. And my parents would be here in a heartbeat (my Dad came up once when I got one of those 24 hr stomach bugs lol.)

    I just don't understand how those people, who I don't see very often, can be there for me when they're so far away, but people who live ON MY FLOOR and claim to be great friends with me won't even let me talk for 20 seconds about my really good family news. I'd understand not wanting to listen to me if I was always being a downer, but I'm not - I hide everything from them. I try to tell them only the good things that are happening in my life. I always heard that in high school people are so superficial and fake... but lifelong friendships are made in early adulthood at like work or college. But I just don't get it.

    Sorry, I don't know what the whole point of this rant was. I'm just so frustrated with people. Superficially, I have so many friends here... people I hang out with, sorority "sisters" (sisters is in quotes because they're not my sisters - biologically or emotionally), but no one ever listens to me. Oh well, they don't listen to each other, so at least I know it's not me. :blink:
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun although it hurts, take comfort in knowing that there are very few people out there that really listen. And we are all guilty of it at one point or another. When you ask a person how they are, do you really want to know each and every time? It has just become standard practice to say "How are you?" and we reply "not bad, or fine" when we know we arent. Unfortunately this too is a sign of the times. When we find a real true friend that gueninely listens to how you are, you are blessed.