i don't know if i can do this anymore. i feel suicidal nightly. i am in so much pain physically and i know that will go soon but i can't even cry without it hurting so badly. i don't know what to do. my birthday is on sunday. i feel so alone although i have people that care about me. i have a good-paying job. i have everything i need there is just something wrong with me. i went to therapy three times a week for two months. he was a good therapist but i had nothing to gain from it anymore. i know why i feel bad, how i feel bad, how i can postpone it for a few moments, but not for any length of time. i have some benzos that are prescribed to me that i could take but i am so afraid of addiction i feel so bad i very slightly self injured but i am in physical pain already and didn't want to add to it. i don't know what to do. i have cns depressants and i just want to take them all and be done but i'm afraid of that too. i am feeling quite terrible.