Theres always a way, I won't give up.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ~Young-Violet~, Dec 28, 2010.

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  1. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hello,
    It seems to be getting farely late here in the UK, I am unable to sleep as I have so much on my mind. Here goes nothing.I'm not feeling my greatest today at days I wish I could be better but I'm never going to give up hope, or let my thoughts take over me. I feel so weak like the power of my thoughts is so strong I am unable to let go of them. I keep telling myself my thoughts will go away repeatedly which has helped mee a bit, I fear hurting myself thee urge to actually do it seems so strong, am I useless? I am a regular self harmer, but try not to go deep incase I really hurt myself which I fear, I know I'm a very positive and lively person and a greatteam leader, my thoughts all gather up just as I am about to go to sleep, which can be very frustrateing at times. Have you ever wondered will my thoughts go away within a week even with the right support and help? I do get Coucelling I do CBT, but coucelling for me is really hard as I do not rarely speak to adults Face 2 Face, I barely talk to my parents. I only want to be the person who I act to be spontanious spectacular amazing, I see myself as so much, my future being great but the fear of my self harming thoughts sibling rivalry and many more all getting to me may put my future hope and carrer down, which I really don't want. My problems caused a big change in my school work when they started becoming to much I started hurting myself and that coping strategy did help me lodes it hurt so bad but I thought the pain was wonderful a few days after it got out of control I locked away all my equipment because I didn't want to ruin my future I have the most amazing friends who are supportive and great I've never meentioned I was hurting inside tthe fear of being judged puts me down. I want to reach my future goal and become a lawyer so bad, I would do anything please help I don't wish to ruin my life :(
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you adressed with your therapist what is causing all the pain you are feeling Self harm is a coping mechanism that is all a poor one but one that help a person in that time of distress. I hope your therapist will give you better coping skills breathing techniques distraction self awareness. etc.
    You are not a weak person and no one will judge you not here I hope others who understand this self harming will talk to you Myduaghter did this as well and now she has stopped It take time to heal i hope with care and understand you will. Keep looking forward okay keep that goal in place and when the pain or the thoughts come rushing in call for help okay come here call your Therapist but stay safe. You are so important you are special so please be kind to YOU okay Do small things that help you feel better you deserve kindness and care not pain. Hugs okay :wtg: reaching out here is the first step.
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Have you talked to your teachers about how you are feeling? It might help to talk to some adults so that they know about your emotional state. They can help you get the help that you need. :hug:
     
  4. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Hello thanks for both of your replies, never thought anybody would respond today. I'm so sentative the tinyest things hurt me :( I just wish I wasn't such a emotional state. I'm trying my best to work with my shrink, I am pushing myself because I fear failing :(

    All I eveer want is peace & happiness I hope today is better, I wish I could say fare well, good bye without crying or just fly away run any where I like be free, free from pain excluded from hate.

    Death is a repeated word beeing mentioned in my head constantly, I want them to go away, I would do anything. I just sometimes feel like giving up my strengh of belief is weakening day after day. :(

    :sigh: Happiness is a desoreeveryone wants but days it can be impossible to reach, upsetness fills the ccold solid air only leaveing tear drops behind :(
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 29, 2010
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Let your parents know how you are feeling okay they will help take those words away in your head to make them happier ones I do not know your diagnosis but know with mediction and therapy you can become what you want to in life.

    I want the pain and sadness to go away as well each day i take it as a new day and try to keep positive about things to come.

    I think talking about your sadness what it is that is causing it may help you release some of the pain.

    You may need your meds changed a bit so tell your pdoc okay you are still having the thoughts of death.

    You are right though there is always a way through meds through therapy you can get well get strong and move forward you need to keep open conversation with all who help you so they know where you are at.

    Hugs to you okay keep posting here go to chat room and talk to people okay
    You are strong and smart and kind you will do well i just know it hugs
     
  6. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Thanks, I'm glad I have a friend like you. I'm not on medication no more as every tablet they gave me, I would do something to hurt myself sometimes ending up in hospital. Some days I wish I could take my own advice :(

    Today I was scribbleing in my diary very graphic images of my feelings they were strong, wheen I looked at them I would be sad aand feel broken in side :( ever had the feeling it's passed midnight every where you go there is defenning silence not a scrach or squeek silence. Then theres me sitting under a old oak tree, knowing that somebody would come and pick up a fight like normal, my reaction to them is plain but they enjoy it.As they leave they leave behind a scent of sadness and unfaithfulness, every tiny drop only makes you more sad and unable to cope as if you just wish you could explode with your emotions?

    I am tired, tiredd of help, support, tired of fighting :(every battle is harder than the last. If only people knew my full story I would have a friend like no other but I only tell people the rest of my story when I learn to trust and confide in them.

    Wonders of life, like a wake unablee to know where to stop so goes right to the edge with no turn back. I wonder.....Peace or Pain, Happyness or Sadness I wonder will the dream and hope I want become true? :(

    Young Violet
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you have a friend your parents will always be there for yu your coucellor too. You have support reach out to them Your doctor someone talk okay because it is them at the end of the day that will get you well and keep you strong It is you too that needs to keep fighting and focusing on your dreams The only way i made it was to move forward okay find a passion and stick with it okay. It is too hard all alone it is too hard please reach out okay please i am trying to help you to tell you take every bit of support and use it to keep you well and strong okay don't turn it away i am here to listen pm me anytime but listen to your doctor and councillor and never give up on YOU okay never.
     
  8. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Never give up :(

    It seem's impossible not to. I thinkI've coped with enough. I can't mearly stand it no more. Today I really need someone to talk to but my parents wont take me to the Dr as my younger sisters hurt her self the other day and is in hospital, he won't even come & pick me up. I can't get in contact with my couceller as my parents told me to dealete her numberr and NOT speak to her :( I'm feeling so low today I just want to end what I have. I am finally ready to give in. Life is stupid and I hate it I've never hated it more!!! Please let me endd it, I can't cope alone no more :(
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    why would your parents not want you talking to your councillor You can call crisis line they will send someone to take you to hospital to get you some help
    call the crisis line okay or hospital they will send you some help hugs
     
  10. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Hi hun. It seems your parents don't realise how you feel, otherwise they might be more helpful. There was a post a few weeks ago from someone who wasn't able to talk to their parents but wrote it all down in a letterl. Is that something you could consider.
    Stay strong. X
     
  11. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    I GIVE UP, I can no longer go on :(
    I can't write Bangladeshi my parents can't read English
    Please I want to end it!!!
     
  12. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Now a proper reply thank you TE and Fitzy for being the only two people who actually cared about my first thread. It honestly means alot, as you can see earlier I felt like giving up on all of this, but then thats not like me, I got back up and started fighting my battle. I walked to see my Dr and gave ChildLine a call which was helpful as I was able to express myself, I am know back on medicine unttil I see my therapist again. I did maadge to get myself some supprt and not let my mind take over me. I'm also trying to teach myself to write full bangla so my parents can understand me more. My dad understands english so he can translate it for my mum which would be good, my therapist has a two was thing going with me one person see's me and speaks to me and one supports my parents to make them understand me a bit more. So a bit positive, I'm not feeling my best but for now I'm good :cheekkiss:
     
  13. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    A bit positive is pretty good. X
     
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey glad you have that fighter in you way to go
     
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Don't give up young violet. Keep fighting hun. :hug:
     
  16. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Thanks guys :)

    Last night...I cried myself to sleep and went back to hurting myself and over doseing, I don't know why. I'm normally so positive but it was a slight trigger. I dissapointed myself and everyone around me, I basically failed. As many of you I talk to regularly know that I live up to perfection, who every single person expects me to be. Your parentss say " It's not about winning, it's about how you play the game" Then you loose and see them disapointed. It makes you feel guilty soon your so tired of seeing that face you push yourself to win then it's win after win after win. You create a pattern.

    You start fearing looseing :(
    This morning I was down in the dumps locked myself in my room and cried I came on hear was about to start a thread why, I was like whats the point, I don't even know why I started this one either to be honest. I just want to be who everyone exspects mee to be, not who te real me is. I have so many medals I have 3 poems in 3 different books I have over 500 certificates. I should be proud and not scared of looseing...I guess I just don't know no more :(
     
  17. ~Young-Violet~

    ~Young-Violet~ Banned Member

    Ohhh, I got ignored, meh I'll live *whispers* unfortunetly.
     
  18. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    You reverted because you were unable to sustain the positivity - that happens, but you will get there. You are a fighter, that much is clear - you will get there. Don't be afraid to be yourself - if yourself is ill/moody/depressed/sad/other - then taht's OK - you have to understand why you get that way - you have to remember that you will come out the otehr side, the trick is to work at coping strategies - and to put as much help in place for yourself as possible...

    Hope that helps, feel free to PM
    Much love,
    Chris
     
  19. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Sorry sweety. I saw your post but wasn't up to replying.
    How are you now?
    X
     
  20. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NO one can be perfect YV it is just not possible for you to try it will only bring heartache and sadness because perfection is impossible I hope in time you can be just you The kind person the compassionate caring person you are. You want to be sad be sad if your angry be angry okay we care i care and i hope when you have those down days you can reach here and let all that pain out okay hugs to you YV you deserve them:hugtackles::hugtackles:
     
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