There's always been something inside - just encouraging me to go on. Telling me that death is permanent, that I'll never see another pretty girl again or ever have a chance to figure myself out. The encouragements got quieter over time. Then it became a cycle. Suicidal one night, feel better for a few weeks not thinking about it, suicidal again. The few weeks turned into a few days over time. More and more frequent. I can't look at my life unbiased anymore and have anything decent to say. I've failed my sophomore year in high school, My entire body is unresponsive and in pain, I've messed up my past so bad that there isn't any fix. Then a double whammy. My last hope, my last thing that would keep me over went worst case scenario. Then everything to cope went bad. I can't tell people about these things. Nobody cares. I'm just venting now. That voice in my head isn't encouraging me to go on. I think even it knows when to call it quits. I don't care right now. If you're going to respond or even have the decency to read this, keep in mind that I'm so borderline right now, It is easily affecting my decision.