There's always been something inside

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jacob91, Apr 29, 2008.

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  1. Jacob91

    Jacob91 Member

    There's always been something inside - just encouraging me to go on. Telling me that death is permanent, that I'll never see another pretty girl again or ever have a chance to figure myself out.

    The encouragements got quieter over time. Then it became a cycle. Suicidal one night, feel better for a few weeks not thinking about it, suicidal again.

    The few weeks turned into a few days over time. More and more frequent. I can't look at my life unbiased anymore and have anything decent to say. I've failed my sophomore year in high school, My entire body is unresponsive and in pain, I've messed up my past so bad that there isn't any fix.

    Then a double whammy. My last hope, my last thing that would keep me over went worst case scenario. Then everything to cope went bad. I can't tell people about these things. Nobody cares. I'm just venting now. That voice in my head isn't encouraging me to go on. I think even it knows when to call it quits.

    I don't care right now. If you're going to respond or even have the decency to read this, keep in mind that I'm so borderline right now, It is easily affecting my decision.
  2. Agrigor

    Agrigor Active Member

    Your description seems indicative of Melancholic depression. (You don't find happiness in things you genuinely see as being happy.) Most people suffering from it respond well to medication. I'd recommend seeing a doctor. Odds are life can be decent for you.
  3. sophie_b

    sophie_b Well-Known Member

    i agree wth Agrigor, i think you should see a doctor. it might be good to focus on something else, like getting better and working on ur frame of mind.
    you can tell me anything, i care! have a voice and im encouraging u to go on!
    be safe jacob91, pm me if you would like to talk.
  4. Little hint, highschool is the worse place to grow up. If you failed a year, it's not that big a deal, there's like 2 more to go, and they'll pass you up anyway. Standard education is vastly below average. You can learn things passively and you don't have to put much effort all the time.

    When it comes to the past, that's pretty much it, unless you lie then it's your word against the world, and the world is dumb. It also sucks cause there are people in it, people willing to put you down for no reason.

    I suggest lying to yourself, and telling yourself you're awesome. I used to do this, til a while ago, but that's my problem. The more you lie to yourself the more it becomes the truth and everyone else is wrong.

    Unless you raped someone or murdered someone or got someone into some serious trouble by lying, your start in life isn't that bad. Your life doesn't really begin till you can start defining yourself on your own.
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