There's been..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Sep 10, 2010.

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  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    a thread about something that's bothering me, but it's been closed. I don't want to stir up anything I just need to get this off my chest.

    Hopefully I won't offend anyone by saying what I need to get out, cos that's not something I want. I merely need to get this out because it's eating me inside, so to say.

    There's been a thread started by chuck norris that's been closed, about another forum being started by some members from here. I don't know about the whole 'bitching about sf' thing, as I'm apparently not around enough for that, and I do not wish to engage in any slagging of any sites, to be honest.

    As you may know, I'm a member both on here (doh) and on the other site.
    I liked both sites, would get support on both sites, and the other site was a bit 'smaller' so to say, less members, which at that time was something I 'needed' at the time I signed up there.

    Now, I feel lonely though. For some reason I feel like an outsider both on there AND on here now. Whenever I go onto the other site, I get a feeling I shouldn't be on there because I like SF, and whenever I'm on here I feel like I am not welcome on here because I'm a member on there. I'm not saying that necessarily is how it IS, but it's a FEELING I get, like a VIBE when I'm on either site.
    This leaves me feeling incredibly lonely and like I don't deserve support for some reason.

    I know that this may partly be cos of me being around way less cos I'm so busy these days, and also partly because of a 'situation' I had going on with someone who's also a member on both sites, but still..

    All the 'bitching' as it's called, about that site on here, and about this site on there (although I haven't seen any bitching about SF on there or anything, but I do get the whole "we don't like SF" vibe on there, but again , that's just a feeling I get, which (as I explained before) is why I feel like I can't go on there for support)
    Same as I don't feel like I should be on here for support, because I get a feeling like I'm not welcome, merely for being a member on there.

    This results in me not being 'active' on either of the sites, leaving me supportless.

    What's my point in this post? I'm not sure. Maybe I want to hear others' thoughts on what could be the cause of me feeling like I can't go on either of the sites for support, just cos I'm a member at the other site as well.
    Maybe I just want comfirmation that I do deserve support.
    Maybe a little of both.

    Either way, I'm glad I got this off my chest. Maybe now it'll stop eating at me.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this (and who knows even reply), and once again; I do not mean to offend anyone or slag off any place/person/site. I'm merely stating my feelings, I hope that's okay.
  2. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    You deserve support either here or there. To be honest i'm getting annoyed with this whole site wars just about now. This is the very reason why i didn't bother to make a thread about that other site. I knew it would come down to a vicious circle.
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    You worded exactly what I've been feeling, like it's a contest or something or a battle of the support sites or whatever. I don't feel comfortable with that idea, at all.

    I don't care who's a member where and which site is 'better' than the other or whatever. Truth is, both sites exist, and I'm sure it's different for everyone; one person gets more out of the other site, and the other person gets more out of SF. It's different for every being, and that's okay.

    Just wish I wouldn't feel so bloody rejected.
    Again, I'm not saying I am being rejected, cos rationally speaking, I know I'm not rejected (at least I hope so!), but it does feel like that to me.

    Ah I'm blabbing. :dunno:
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    It's like, when you post on here as a regular member, you're supposed to hate the other site and when you post on there, you're supposed to hate this site.
    THAT'S what bothers me, because I don't hate either site. I like both sites. And that makes me feel rejected.

    I guess I just wrote down in one paragraph what I meant to say in my entire first post.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It shouldn't be a contest, or a battle. You deserve support no matter which site you go to.
  6. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    This is my fault and im sooooo sorry if ive made anyone feel like that. Its not what i wanted at all
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Wayne this has nothing to do with you, honestly. This is a vibe/feeling I've been having for days, if not weeks, now, and it has been eating at me all this time. I just didn't feel like I could post about it anywhere.
    All you did (with that post I referred to in my first post of this thread), was give me a bridge to finally just say that which bothers me, so it can stop eating at me. So thank you :hug:
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's not your fault. That vibe's been there since the other site was created. And I don't mean it's been one-sided; it's been there on both sides. And it shouldn't be.
  9. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    i made it worse, im sorry
  10. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    I agree with you. To be honest i have problems with SOME members from the other site. Which does keep me from wanting to go there. But all in all, from what i've seen, the other site looks fantastic. Very well design. I wish SF wasn't so old fashioned and improved on the site's design. But you can't have everything can you... :p
  11. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    you know, the internets is a big place.
    There is room for many forums.
    This particular forum is quite important, has a long track record, is stable despite what some may think, and serves an important need. Staff and members may come and go...but it will continue to be an important site.

    The other forum has the potential to serve a differing need...had the potential...might have potential....were it not for the animosity that has been expressed by their members...among other things that have been expressed and done. Negativity is a sure fire path to failure....or on the other hand, it attracts more negativity and you end up with an icky mess. It's all a matter of choices.

    Bad mouthing and trashing is a sure road to failure. What i don't understand, is why those who have done serious badmouthing, still hang out here...spend a great deal of time here in fact. Well, i suspect we all know the answer to that question.

    Anyway, those considering suicide, will continue to easily find this site and find support here. SF lives on.
  12. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I should've known this thread would mainly get replies that would be about the whole 'battle of the forums' or whatever you want to call it, but I would kindly ask to re-read the first post and see what I wanted to get out of posting this thread.

    I just feel so out of place.
  13. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think you are right in saying that it is a feeling you get and it may not necessarily be that way. But it is difficult when you know that there are feelings of animosity (badmouthing) and you almost feel like you are being disloyal to the other site, depending on where you are. It is like having to choose sides between friends if they disagree with one another. Each expects you to side with them, and you really want to continue to be friends with both. I hope you can find a place you feel you belong at both sites. There is no reason you should be made to feel unwelcome at either one. Or any other site for that matter. We frequent and search for places to be because we have a need to be met. Often times those needs will not be met exclusively by one resource. Having many to draw from can be extremely important. At one time I was a member of a different site that a few SF members frequented. They had, for one reason or another, stopped coming to SF as much. I had feelings very similar to those you have described. It was as if I had to defend going to each site. That made it difficult to be at either. I felt almost as if I were homeless. Like there were places I could go, but was not really welcome to be. No one ever told me that, but the feelings were still there. My suggestion would be to take whatever positive things you can from whatever site you visit. I probably didn't answer your question either, but it is the best I can do.
  14. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I'm a member on both sites Est, and I know what you mean.
    The last time I was in the chat on that site I ended up defending the staff from here .. And didn't go back in after that. I went on for support and company - not to get caught in some battle.

    Anyway ... The main point in my reply ... :hug: Est, you shouldn't be made to feel unwelcome whichever site you are on. I'm here for you and I know many others are too :hug:
  15. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    It's already a relief to know that at least I'm not the only one who has (ever had) these feelings. Thank you for your reply. :hug:
    I've been trying to go into chat on both sites, but it just doesn't feel like home anymore. I feel unwelcome, even if, much like you said, it hasn't been said to me, I do get the unwelcome vibe. I don't know why these feelings are there, and if it's mainly to do with the whole 2 sites being there thing, but it's causing me to just feel shit whenever I'm on these sites.
    I used to go online, to either or both of these sites, when I was feeling down, and being in chat would cheer me up, or at least make me feel less alone.
    Now, when I feel down, I try to avoid going on the sites. I'd rather feel shit on my own, than go somewhere that's supposed to be helping, but only makes me feel worse and lonelier.
  16. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Thank you Sam. :hug: :hug:
  17. TheOncomingStorm

    TheOncomingStorm Well-Known Member

    Est :hug: i'm sorry you feel as though you can't find support on either site..And yes when the site initially started there was comments about SF. The site wasn't started as competition for SF, it's designed to meet more than just the need around mental health. Yes fair enough people on there have had some experiences over here that makes them have a bit of a dislike towards this site..But really if they hated SF would they still use it? Things can't be perfect all the time, things happen that change our thoughts and feelings towards things... Theres been many members on this site that have felt pissed off with this site.

    If you do need support (because yes, you do deserve support..) then you can contact me on either forum, or via MSN or my mobile number. I'm sure you will agree that over time we've drifted apart, but that doesn't mean i'm ever gonna stop being here to listen to you, to give you some of the support you need :hug: Take care, look after yourself.
  18. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    It wasnt started as a competition for SF? i find that laughable at best

    Im sorry esther xxx you know where i am if you need to chat either on here or msn
  19. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Now now. I really don't think "competition" is the right word. How can you compare that site to SF... From what i've seen it is but a weak doppelganger of SF.
    Heck there's hundreds of "Depression" forums out there and i don't see people complaining now do they? Nope. That's because it is perfectly fine to have other forums. Now, the reason there's so much drama about the other site is because, as said before and said again, members from the other site are continuously thrashing the site.
  20. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Can this thread be locked now, please.
    I've gotten off my chest what I needed to get off my chest and it's purpose has been met now. Things probably won't be helpful from here onwards if this thread stays open.

    Thank you all who've taken the time and effort to reply in this thread. :grouphug:
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