You know I hate whining and I never never feel sorry for myself. I don't like talking about myself any way-I only tell my doctor-I don't like bringing people down or boring them and I live somewhere-a place people tend to gossip. AND I live where I work. I lost my job the first time (I have it back now) because of depression-telling or giving my boss a little too much info. I keep EVERYTHING to myself now. If I thought I was depressed then... now it is different and worse. I have several reasons why BUT THEN THERE IS THAT OTHER FEELING THAT IS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO GET RID OF-THE WORST KIND OF SADNESS/DEPRESSION FOR NO REASON-IRONICALLY WORSE TO THE POINT OF BEING PHYSICALLY SICK. THERE IS NO PROBLEM TO SOLVE ETC-SO WHAT DOES ONE DO....AND I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING THAT USED TO WORK BUT IT CREEPS BACK JUST AS BAD. I take meds-have tried many. I don't want to be gone but I'm afraid impulsively-just at the right point-I'll be gone.