I'm forced to stay alive to care for my animals. I'd rather be dead but feel guilty about leaving them to an uncertain future. So I'm stuck, trapped in this miserable existance. I hate my life and I can't end it. If there truly is a loving God, and I have my doubts, he'd let me die in my sleep rather than allow me to continue this pointless bullshit and misery. I hate my kids, I hate myself, I hate my life. End of story.