I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything I can think of. Everyday I wish a little bit more that I was dead. Everyday I feel a little bit more catatonic. I am the living Hanukkah miracle, I am running on empty. I have it all planned out for the end of January. I have people in my life who care but I just don't know if the relationships are strong enough to be the whole reason I stay alive. I feel like people who aren't suicidal or people who only talk about it but would never go through with it have this nugget of something that the rest of us just don't. This deep down to the core reason to live. That deep down value for human life. I just don't have that. I just want to let go. I just pray that God can see how hard I fought and still love me. For four and a half years now I've been fighting and I'm just ready to let go. I don't what's left for me anymore... I don't see the point in fighting anymore... Help?