I know that. I don't know why I am doing it, anyway. My situation is something that most can't relate to, and far too complicated to explain. The "advice" out there, doesn't apply to me or my situation. Hearing cliches or "inspirational" or "motivational" messages only makes me more upset. I'm aware that there's nothing anyone can say to make me feel better. The only thing that can make me feel better is if I can figure out and make some sort of miracle happen regarding my ability to sustain myself. The typical solution(s) do not apply and are in fact extremely harmful to me. What I feel is a pretty normal reaction to having been repeatedly and continually treated in the way I am, no matter what I do, or what I try, over many many decades of trying, and at the cost it's been to me. I'm getting older and I'm tired and done with the struggle, I just want to be able to be, and that's not possible, and the prospects are not tolerable to me. I'm struggling very badly and have been for quite some time. It's not a temporary state or situation. I'm just done. Yet a person is not "allowed" to exist that way. Because you "have to" do certain things in order to survive - things that I cannot tolerate anymore. I just can't. I just can't.