I have 1 friend who I haven't gone out with in a long time, partially because I've been feeling so horrible. I just don't see any hope left at all. I quit marijuana and dexedrin went on vacation trying to make something more of myself.most of the people were all rude and I got paranoid like crazy, the burning started and it's just been misery since. I feel/felt so horrible skin wise I looked to women for some enjoyment. Honestly everyone would be happier without me , I'm just a burden mentally and financially on my family. I've had so much oppurtunity to have a good life I just let things get in my way, now like my name I'm 2fargone hope is just a waste. I've lost muscle put on fat and well, everyone despises me, I drive my own family nuts I just obsess about my skin irritation and what could be causing it or my other problems. I do have big time issues and I know it, . I go on and on, thinking of a solution when in reality I'm too far gone, misery is my only fate in this world The skin around my mouth has been burning/ tingeling for 2 months now, With no possible solution in sight. It may just be dental allergies i've tried to get them out but he won't listen I actually got 2 more new ones put it. Maybe it's sjogren's syndrome. I feel miserable all day long compulsiving about hwo bad my skin feels, no enjoyment whatsoever. Look up burning mouth syndrome it's extremely unpleasant to say the least. and to top it off I had unprotected sex with 2 girls in the past 6-7 weeks I shouldn't have. I have all the syptoms of HIV, sore muslces, joints a acne looking ish rash on the trunk, sore throat , swollen lymph nodes, malaise, tiredness. one girl grinded her teeth on me down there before we had sex, which would made me really supseptible to catching somehting. I'm 90% sure I have it the last girl was 4 weeks ago but u should wait 6 weeks for a 90% accurate test result. if sjogren's snydrome(which could be causing all my skin pain and agony ) an autoimmunne disorder the only treatment really is. drugs that shut down the immune system and well that's just not possible if you have something like HIV,unless you want a slow and painful death. There's dermatits /ezcema around my mouth I was using elidel on vacation and ur not supposed to use that in the sun maybe that's why I'm experencing all this irritation, plus I had/have peeling lips so I was prone to damage. I took an AI drug which made them really bad I should have stoped but didn't. Maybe dental allergies caused it I have no idea... there I go about my health problems.. The truth is I'm too chickenshit to killmyself while theres any sliver of hope left, I'm on half of a sliver ATM, truth be told I don't want to die I just see no possibility of having a remotely gratifying life the way things are looking. I just wish I could go back 2+ months ago when my skin was managable not driving me nuts, and I could have gone on with my life, done some good for the world helped people. or even just stayed at home most of the day smoked weed took dexedrin before wokring out gone out with friends once every other weekend..the funny thing is I was paranoid about people being out to kill me one girl I slept with laughed when I told her about it.. maybe that was her intention if she knew she had HIV/aids The story of my life is trying to fix a problem that doesn't exist and creating a new one much worse. Let this be a lesson learned drugs, sleeping around and skin problems are no laughing matter. take care of you mind and body you only have 1 and when it's so wore down there's nothing you can do. I'm such a wimp I want to die the most painless way. I have half a bottle of clenbuterol which would surely give a fatal heart attack in one or two gulps. I'm going to try and hold off, I'm surely crazy for holding on when there is no point. This is just too surreal, I'm living in a tragedy with only 1 thing missing, I don't see things getting any worse, me dieing is the only solution at this point.I better get to bed so I can wakeup and go through all this pain once more.