These are the tough times...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Space Nettle Soup, Sep 3, 2011.

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  1. I'm a little apprehensive to post this as it may seen a little frivolous to some but your own problems are important to you I guess so here goes.

    18 months ago I had a breakdown, I woke up in the hospital, I've been there for a few days already and I'm diagnosed with bi polar. My relationship with my gf broke down, I had to quit my job that I loved doing and move back to the town that I grew up in.

    I had to to wait six months for treatment then after a few visits they decide that I have ADHD. So now I have to visit a mental health clinic every week where I receive CBT therapy and they have me on two different meds.

    I'm just finding it really hard, my life has no structure it feels like a bunch of random events sewn together, I feel ecstatically happy and then very sad for no reason, I don't go outside because I have trust issues and it just feels like one gigantic effort to make all these changes to accommodate this illness.

    I seem to be able to hold it together and then I get three to four days (sometimes a week) of devastating depression. It feels like it gets harder and harder to deal with. I'm constantly trying to find things to make me happy or take my mind off things and then just like that I snap out of it and I'm running around like a maniac generally acting like a fool.

    Its emotionally exhausting, I feel like I have to deal with this alone as nobody understands, so it's tough at times when all you need is a hug and you can't get one, I just feel like I need a hug and just for someone to tell me that it's going to be okay, I guess it sounds kind of silly really....

    Like I said, it might seem a little frivolous to some, I just needed to get it off my chest so thanks to anyone that took the time to read this.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Seems like a roller coaster ride for you lately. I'm really sorry to hear that. Great to hear from you though, and you're reaching out for help which I'm proud of you for doing! :hug: Regards...Mr. A
  3. otiose

    otiose Member

    That sucks balls. Well if you're in the US, I guess you have to either hope you have enough cash to get help, or just die. Sorry, that's the American way. The bright side is that as a BP, at least you have an "up" side. Some of us are always in the shit end of the pool. Because Schweet Baybay Jayshush wants it that way, apparently.
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