These scars remind me of the coward that I am

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by leah82, Oct 7, 2012.

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  1. leah82

    leah82 Member

    I told myself I could wait at least Untill the end of the year.
    That I would try harder to make myself ok again*and I did try I really did,
    But it's to hard I have to make this pain go away.
    I can't sleep, I've been awake for days. Cutting is no relief.
    I know there is nothing left for me to do but die
    and honestly I'm ok with that.
    I'm ok with knowing that I'm a coward.

    I'm not worth saving
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    First, you need to either call or go to hospital help. You may not particularly care or even want it right now, but if you have never tried actual hospitalization you really do not know if you could find ways to cope and make the pain go away that are not self destructive. I am sure it would be better to know in your own mind that you actually had tried everything.

    Second, I read through all your posts, and would like to know what is the cause of your pain and nature of the problems that have left you feeling this way for so long? I can think of no reason not to share them at this point...

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOU are special hun you are important and it is your depression that is making you think these thoughts. I too think you need to reach out now to a professional go to hospital and get the coping skills you need to heal hun. There you will feel safe and you will go to therapy and get the meds needed to make you feel stable ok You are worth the fight hun you are hugs
  4. leah82

    leah82 Member

    Thanks but believe me in the last two years I've
    Done it all Hospital, medication, therapy, more medication, more therapy.
    It's just not in me to try anymore.
    But thank you for your replies
  5. Sans

    Sans Member

    Hey, Leah

    I've been through the works too. Hospitalization, medication, therapy, etc. Therefore, I'm definitely the last person who is qualified to tell you what to do. But I just wanted to let you know that I saw your thread and am thinking about you. I hope that today has been better to you than yesterday was.

    In all seriousness, a person such as yourself who is experiencing such unspeakable pain and yet still somehow finds it to survive is no coward at all.
    Quite the contrary. I think that you are incredibly brave.
    I know that you are tired. I know that you're struggling. I would love to demolish whatever is causing you to hurt with a giant sledgehammer if it were that easy.

    I don't know you. But I do care. And I think that you don't deserve to feel such pain at all.
    Lots of hugs for you if you would like them.
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