they are getting deeper now

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by cant_go_on, Sep 20, 2006.

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  1. cant_go_on

    cant_go_on Guest

    for seven years i have been cutting myself...i no that i shouldnt...but i cant stop doing it...just last night....i cut my arms over and over agian...i wanted to commit suicide so bad...but instead i cut myself...looking at them now...makes me sick to my stomach...but i have this urge that is taking over me to cut again...this time somewhere else...being that my arms are full....i havnt seen as much blood as i did last night...i feel like such a failure...i have failed everyone in my life...now when i cut...i have to cut deeper...just so i can feel it...which means more blood...i get so tempted to just go ahead and "do it"...just push the blade down so far that it will make me bleed to death....i hate me...now i am going to cut some more..
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey, how are you doing now? 7 years is a pretty long time, and it's great, well done for going so long. It's a shame you've slipped back into self harm though, did anything in particular trigger it off? Have you been using a particular method to stop yourself self harming for the past 7 years? If so, is it possible for you to start using that method again? I can relate to the cutting deeper and not wanting to stop, I feel like that a lot and it is really hard to control the urges, but you need to try and distract yourself. Check out this link for what to do when you feel like cutting yourself: Click. You're not a failure at all and you shouldn't think that way. Yes, you've turned back to self harm but you've gone 7 years without it and that is quite an accomplishment. Many self harmers slip and go back, just like you some go for years without self harming but it doesn't make you a failure at all. :hug:
     
  3. cant_go_on

    cant_go_on Guest

    no...i have been cutting for seven years...non stop...everyday i cut...big ones...little ones...mostly deep ones...and i am a failure...i have tried many methods...but they didnt work for me...i have seven years of scars on me...and i just keep adding more and more...hopefully though i will cut deep enough this time...
     
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Damn, I'm sorry I misread. :(

    Even so, it STILL doesn't make you a failure. Once you get into self harming it can be very difficult to stop because it turns into a control mechanism. Have you spoken to anyone about the self harm? If you self harm because you're suicidal have you considered seeing a doctor? I've tried a number of different methods to stop myself self harming too but I always go back to it, however one of the best ones I've come across is to write things down, whether it be in a form of poetry, story or just venting random words and sentances it can help to get the emotions out of your system, maybe even punch a pillow or scream into a pillow. All of which are better than harming yourself.

    You could set yourself milestones, such as telling yourself you'll go for one day without cutting. If you go for one day maybe reward yourself in some way, then say I'll go for 3 days and a week. It can be difficult, I know only too well it can be but I know you can do it. :hug:
     
  5. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    Man, I feel just like you when I cut. Then afterwards, I am sick to my stomach. Just hang in there. I know it's hard but sometimes you have to bite the bullet.
     
  6. cant_go_on

    cant_go_on Guest

    i think i did it...i think i finally cut myself so deep this time....its bleeding really bad now...i hope that i finally did it...i dont want to live anymore...all week i slept...trying to get this off of my mind....but it didnt go away...
     
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