Still pending on the though but I'm not going to try and fight this anymore. I can't win then immediately lose after, I can't even begin to thing anymore. I'm invisible to everyone around me unless they need something. It's nothing but that and the hard thing is, that they won't even try to understand my disorder. I know I get mad. I know I get enraged sometimes and I say things I don't mean to say but I wish they would try to understand it. I'm so jealous of them. They say they're depressed and act like it's a life long thing when they can just go to therapy and cure it. Mine, I have to live the rest of my life with and they won't bother to try and understand it. At this rate, I'll only be alone and I'll be wanting to end it all more than ever. I've waited almost 12 years to get better and nothing has. If I'm alone, anything I ever wanted will never work out. They wonder why I come online so often. Well, I can pretend I have a better life on here than I actually do. I can go off and be in fantasy worlds in games, I can use my imagination and not even care about anything else. That's why I stay on. What do I have to offer? What do they want from me that is so bad that they need to constantly pick at me, tell me everything I don't do, tell me everything that I did wrong. I can't stand it. I can't take this **** anymore. I just feel so alone. I feel so so alone and sometimes I just can't bare it. I want to be loved like anyone else. I want to be held and told that everything is fine and I'm perfect just the way I am but when I get out of my own thoughts like that I know that there is no chance. No hope for that thought. Then I try to remember the good reasons, the good things on why I stay here and why I try to push through everything. Is it all worth it?