They don't care. Why should I?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Kaspazzy, Apr 19, 2012.

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  1. Kaspazzy

    Kaspazzy Active Member

    Still pending on the though but I'm not going to try and fight this anymore. I can't win then immediately lose after, I can't even begin to thing anymore.

    I'm invisible to everyone around me unless they need something. It's nothing but that and the hard thing is, that they won't even try to understand my disorder. I know I get mad. I know I get enraged sometimes and I say things I don't mean to say but I wish they would try to understand it.

    I'm so jealous of them. They say they're depressed and act like it's a life long thing when they can just go to therapy and cure it. Mine, I have to live the rest of my life with and they won't bother to try and understand it. At this rate, I'll only be alone and I'll be wanting to end it all more than ever. I've waited almost 12 years to get better and nothing has. If I'm alone, anything I ever wanted will never work out.

    They wonder why I come online so often. Well, I can pretend I have a better life on here than I actually do. I can go off and be in fantasy worlds in games, I can use my imagination and not even care about anything else. That's why I stay on. What do I have to offer? What do they want from me that is so bad that they need to constantly pick at me, tell me everything I don't do, tell me everything that I did wrong. I can't stand it. I can't take this **** anymore.

    I just feel so alone. I feel so so alone and sometimes I just can't bare it. I want to be loved like anyone else. I want to be held and told that everything is fine and I'm perfect just the way I am but when I get out of my own thoughts like that I know that there is no chance. No hope for that thought. Then I try to remember the good reasons, the good things on why I stay here and why I try to push through everything. Is it all worth it?
  2. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    I can completely relate. I have Asperger's Syndrome and some form of depression that seems to be very different from the type most everyone else suffers from in that A) I permanently can't enjoy anything at all and B) no med or treatment has any effect on it as I've been on virtually every depression med, seen almost a dozen therapists, and had ECT and TMS with no change. Live with my parents; I hate them, but have no choice because I'm too incompetent to do anything for myself. My mother makes a daily exercise out of pointing out everything I do wrong, rubbing it in my face, and reminding me of how lost I'd be without her. Even before diagnosis I knew I was completely different from everyone else. I tried my best to pretend to be an actual human being, but I eventually learned that it's not enough to act like one. In my case I'm even jealous of people who are used by others - after all, they have to have something to offer to be used.

    And it's why I pretty much live online, too. It's the only place for someone like me who is incapable of handling the real world with the same ease as most everyone else.

    Wish I had something useful to say here, but dunno. Good luck
  3. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    you're not alone, Athru :console:
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