They Don't Give A Shit. I Can't Go On.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ~Nobody~, Mar 12, 2007.

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  1. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I am a mess.

    After all the effort I've put in, after everything.

    Nobody cares. So why the fuck should I?

    This is it. I have done everything I can. I am not to blame here. My life is falling to bits and I feel like I have to end it before it just gets even worse. I cannot deal with this kind of shit any more.
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    What's wrong Nobody?I know how it feels when you feel as though no one gives a shit about you and no matter what you try and do is like a lost cause.How about talking to me a little I do understand what it's all about.
  3. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I hung on all week, because I promised Sue I would. I promised her, and I didn't mean it at the time. I knew I had to kill myself before today. And I didn't, you guys talked me down from the ceiling. Well I'm more on the ceiling than ever before.

    I have a lot of other new shit going on. Fucking hate people.

    But I went to my appointment this morning. I went. I didn't even want to be out, and I had to go on my own. I was terrified, of everything. Fucking roadworks nearly made me cry. And I was in a hurry running really late and I so didn't want to be late for Sue, and I left in a fucking vest top. IT wasn't cold but all these men were looking at me. I fucking hate myself. I'm not losing my curves quickly enough by not eating. The weight goes but then it goes right back on, and my tits aren't any fucking smaller. So I've changed my method, I'm going to eat and eat until I'm so fat no-one looks at me like that. I started this afternoon.

    They weren't there. THEY WEREN'T THERE!! No Sue, no Dr B. No anyone who is supposed to care and is supposed to be worried and is supposed to be helping me. The meeting has been postponed until next week. They didn't even care enough to let me know they'd cancelled on me! I hate them. I hate myself for being so upset about this. It took so much to even get this far.

    Now I'm crying too much to see the sodding screen so I'm gonna have to go.
  4. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    And I don't even have anyone to talk to.

    Doesn't anyone understand what I'm going through???

  5. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    This is it. I'm sorry. I tried to reach out.
  6. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    *hugs* That's evil - no-one should ever cancel without telling everyone involved!

    You're worth it, believe me. I would never wish anyone dead, even the nastiest pieces of work I know, because they all deserve to live. They all have something to offer the world - and so do you.
  7. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    hun, im sorry i didnt see this before, i hope youre still about

    i know it took a lot to go today and im sorry they didnt tell you the meeting was cancelled, perhaps thyey meant to ut some wires got crossed and the message didnt get to you? i am glad you went to day, it proves you can do it, please go to the meeting next week, even if its just to tell them how upset you are about not being told about today, please stay safe :hug:
  8. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I just feel so scared.
  9. letdown

    letdown Guest

    That's pretty awful. I'd be angry too and very upset.

    Like bunny says, please go to the appointment next week- and if you are able, tell them how this has effected you. Do you have a crisis team at your local hospital that you can contact if you feel you cannot hang on any further? You could get assessed there too- or they may organise a quicker appointment.

    Talk to us here as much as you can.
  10. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Don't want assessments or meds or help or care or love.

    Fuck them all. And fuck me. Hey, why not?

    My head is swimming. Can't write properly.
  11. letdown

    letdown Guest

    It can be difficult to go back to the people who you feel so hurt and let down by.
  12. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Noddy, take some deep breaths. It was a shitty thing to do to not let you know your appointment was cancelled but it was probably a slip up by someone and not an out and out attack on you.
    You did a brave thing, you got there on your own, you coped.
    If you feel you can't wait for the next one or (which is more than likely) you are burning with righteous indignation at being forgotten and the rage is turning inward (hence the tears and feelings of suicide); ring them up and give someone a right bollocking and get an earlier appointment.
    You have every right to be well and truly miffed, don't let anyone tell you different.:hug: :hug:
  13. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    But I don't. I don't deserve anything better.

    Even my boyfriend is being a shit to me lately. A proper shit. And he now says it's because I promised him ages ago that I wouldn't kill myself right after an argument, that I'd have to sort things out with him first. Which is just great. I make a promise to try to help someone else out and it just ends up causing me all sorts of hurt.

    Story of my life.

    I have had a shit time and I am having a shit time and all the people who are supposed to help me only make things worse (mum, boyfriend, therapist and psychiatrist now too). If that's not proof of how I am then I don't know what is.

    I hate myself. You should hate me too. I just can't take this anymore. I'm sorry. But I don't think anyone can say I haven't tried.
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