They don't understand...Just a Rant, don't bother.

I’m broken. I can’t be fixed with drugs – as they tell me. They say it takes time and effort on my part, do they think I enjoy this? Like I haven’t tried to fix it? They don’t understand. They don’t understand what it feels like to be broken, to feel utterly hopeless and feeling that no matter what happens you’ll still be broken, and hurt, and scared. I don’t want to do this anymore but I’m too scared to let go. I'd do anything for an ounce of peace. I hate myself so utterly and completly I can't even look in a mirror anymore. Death is peaceful, isn't it? At least that's what part of myself tells me. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory - nothingness - it doesn't matter, it'll be better than here. It has to be.

 

Maybe death doesn't bring peace?

 

i know what it's like to feel broken. it's a terrible, lonely way to feel. you will begin to feel better though, one day. you just have to accept that you will heal in your own time, on a path of your own choosing. you are very strong to have survived so much. don't give up now.

 

Why don't they think that meds will help you? What have they suggested instead? Have you had chance to learn some coping strategies?
Ranting is a good coping strategy so feel free to rant. We're all here to support you. x