I'm in over my head with everything in this world. It's like every time I think a new opportunity arises for things to get better it finds a way to trigger against me. I'm sick of this shit... I'm sick of living. Even on here, I can't completely escape; I'm sick the fuck to death of these happy-go-lucky hippie types trying to "cheer" me up 'cause they haven't done their boyscout "good deed a day" who are in fact just as bad as the "jocks" that picked on me in school. The kind that think they know the answers to everyone's problems that said "oh, just ignore those bullies, they'll go away!" yet they end up in debt in suburbia with a minivan, out-of-shape boring boss-wife, practically-albino almost-anemic kids that sneak off to get drunk and smoke stogies whenever the chance arises, and with that glazed, emotionless look on their faces. Even worse are the ones who down me and down me for being so depressed and suicidal, yet when they get suicidal, they act the SAME FUCKING WAY! FUCK THEM ALL and FUCK YOU if you're one of them! What you are doing is no different than having a sick, cancerous animal live on instead of putting it to sleep and having it put out of its misery. I am a failure, and that means I don't have anything great going for me in life that'll make me happy... I should be allowed to end my life if that is the case; otherwise, I'll just be living an unhappy life of quiet desperation and fence-sitting meaningless which IMHO is far worse a fate than death. However, we are still so unevolved that we still believe in the "sanctity" of life no matter HOW fucked it gets. Me... I'm sick the fuck to death of all these double-standards against me... if I do something, it's automatically wrong or not good enough. So then why the fuck should I do anything anyways? Plus, I found out today that one of my friends has died. I should've died instead. I HATE this life.