Who are these people anyway? I attempt suicide because my life sucks and living it just doesnt look like an option anymore. Agencies that are supposed to be there to help, step in. They took my little one in December after a botched attempt. They made promises of programs and aid that would benefit me and my young son. NOTHING!! Just the things that I've been able to put in place. Which also means me having to leave my house to attend to these things. My anxiety and panic have been off the scale since December. The agency people? I dont think a raging rhino could get them off their collective asses. I found out yestereday, that they removed my baby from the foster house he has been in since December because.........they were abusing him!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never have and never would lift a finger to my children. I promised myself to end the physical violence that has plagued our lives. But it seems I am the only one that has made that promise and stuck to it. And yet I pay the price of having to know my children are abused by the hands of others. Others like foster parents and even their own father that I left because he would physically and emotionally abuse me in front of them. Now he does it to them knowing they are too afraid to speak up because they always end up back with him. And I sit here, alone, worrying about my children. MY CHILDREN. Feeling like I'm the abuser because the agencies wont let me care for them. Now I'm tortured with thoughts of what all happened to my little guy. And wont hear a word until Monday because the agency people are entitled to days off. But not me. My day off will come the day I die. I so want that day to be today!!!!!!!!! I cant take this. Other moms reading this know what I mean. Your babies are your babies until you die. And nothing hurts your child without it hurting you even more. I'm dying. A slow painful death. Agency already has my little one. The others are with their abusive father and no one seems to listen when I say I know how to care for my babies. Why shouldnt I just take care of it all tonight? I'm so nothing right now.