they think its over

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by honeyy, Jan 16, 2010.

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  1. honeyy

    honeyy Member

    It has been 3 weeks since the one I loved ended his life, and I am still as miserable as I was when I first found out. I've been looking around on the internet, and found out that I have all the symptoms of depression.

    I can't sleep at night, and so I'm tired and not consentrated at school. I feel like I can't do anything. My teachers know about the incident, but they seem to believe that it is all just over, and that I am ok again, since I have this thing that I can't be sad when I'm around other people. It's the same thing with my parents and most of my friends. Since I'm not sad around them, they think I'm ok, but I'm so absolutely not.

    I only have one semester left until I graduate. But I'm not so sure that I can make it, because this is the part of year you really have to work for your grades, and I don't think I will be able to do that.. I start crying just thinking that I have to live through that with all my pain. I just want to end it.

    I am afraid because of this. And I know for sure that if I knew of an easy, not so painful way of taking my life, I would not be here anymore.

    I have talked to my best friends about all of this, but they can only help me a little. And I don't know who else to talk to. My best friend tried taking her own life twice, and she says now that she regretted it, but all the psychologists and all the other people she talked to treated her like she was crazy, and talked to her in a way that just made her want to end her life even more than before. So I feel like these are not an option for me.

    The only reason I haven't tried ending my life yet, is that I think of all the people I will be leaving behind. I know how miserable everybody, including me, are after B took his life, and I don't know if I could let them go through this all again. The same with my family and my other friends.
  2. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Its been 3 weeks. Do you realize how little time has passed? When an adult experiences a loss, it is terrible. When a child has to go through it, its worse.

    Teachers may assume that you are "over it" in 3 weeks time. However I can tell you if they are assuming that, they do not have a social IQ. Recovering from the suicide of a close relative is not something that you can recover from. Yes the pain might be less but you will still have scars.

    There is no time limit on how long you can feel sad over a death. You make the decision, not your teachers, and not your parents. By the way, how did your parents take it? Aren't they still sad?

    Do you go to a church? Religios figures can sometimes be of better help then psychologists, they are not in it for the money, and they are often very understanding and sympethetic (not all of them , but most).

    You need to talk to someone about this. Thats all the advice someone on here can give you. Theres just no simple way to recover from something like this. You need person to person contact, and someone who truly cares.

    Please trust me, time will make things better, but you need to talk to someone for it to happen.

    Who can you talk to that you trust and want to talk to? If you don't know of anyone, would you look around for a local suicide survivors thing?

    Most people don't experience the unique pain that you are. But know that you are not alone, there are only a few of us out there, but theres more of us then you think. :)

    Please be well
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    hey these so call teachers professionals are pretty stupid if they think you can get over a death in just 3 weeks try like 3 years plus some Go get some grief councilling okay you need to talk to a real professional that deals with grief a psychologist someone with training please get help Let the professors know you are not over it you are depressed they will help you finish your last semester get help now before it goes any deeper.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I find it funny how easy it is to trick people into thinking you are ok. I barely have to try. All it takes is a smile nothing more.

    I also have a hard time taking my own life right now. Because I do not want to have anyone dependent on me. Currently I have a roommate who is convinced he would be on the street if I was not there to pay my half of the rent. So right now I feel it would be a dick move just kill myself. But once I move out on into my own place I will be dead shortly there after.

    I find that very few people are ever understanding of people who want to kill themselves. To most the thought of ending ones life is a nightmare. Whether they be psychologists or friends. They want to instill the same fear they have into you.
  5. honeyy

    honeyy Member

    Thanks for your replies.

    The thing is that I was an exchange student in the US last year, which is how I met him, and which means I hadn't seen him since I left - about 7 months ago. My parents and my friends here at home barely even knew who he was.

    I can talk to my friends here at home, and I can tell them everything. But they can't really do anything to help. I'm thinking it might help me if I some day make it over to the US again so that I can talk to people who also knew him. It is horrible being so far away from it all, it makes it harder to try to live on.

    And church, I do not go to one. The whole system is different over here than in the States.

    As I said, my friend talked to both teachers, doctors and psychologists, and they all treat her like she is crazy. I just don't want them to treat me that way. I mean I know it's crazy having suicidal thoughts, but I am still not crazy.
  6. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    No, you definitely are not crazy, you just have very strong emotions building up inside of you. I understand the that the everyone treated your best friend like she was crazy, but you have to understand that not all doctos and psychologists are like that. If you find one that is, keep moving on until you find the best one. It's not their choice if you stick when them or not, you need to find a good one that will actually help you get better.

    And I understand not being sad around other people, I do that too, but sometimes you should let your emotions show. If not all the way, then maybe just a little? It's the first step in getting help. You're teachers think you're okay because they don't understand how it is for you. Three weeks is definitely not enough time to get over someone like that.

    Maybe you can start with your school counselor? Or a teacher you really trust? You dno't really have to say it, you can write a note, perhaps?
  7. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Suicidal ideation does not require that you are crazy. What it does require is that you want to die. Why? Most people do it to avoid pain.

    Did you feel depressed before your friend died? When was the last time you saw your friend before he died?
  8. honeyy

    honeyy Member

    In my opinion you're crazy the moment you're doing it. But so absolutely not otherwise..

    I cry just thinking about having to hurt all the people around me if I do it. But I also cry when I think of having to live for so much longer with this pain.

    Yes, I did feel a little depressed before my friend died, but that was mostly because I was missing the states so much, and disliking my school and everything around me so much. Now that he is just tops it all. I know it will get better over time. But in some way I don't want it to be, I don't want to live my whole life without him. Last time I saw him was the beginning of June 2009.
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