It has been 3 weeks since the one I loved ended his life, and I am still as miserable as I was when I first found out. I've been looking around on the internet, and found out that I have all the symptoms of depression. I can't sleep at night, and so I'm tired and not consentrated at school. I feel like I can't do anything. My teachers know about the incident, but they seem to believe that it is all just over, and that I am ok again, since I have this thing that I can't be sad when I'm around other people. It's the same thing with my parents and most of my friends. Since I'm not sad around them, they think I'm ok, but I'm so absolutely not. I only have one semester left until I graduate. But I'm not so sure that I can make it, because this is the part of year you really have to work for your grades, and I don't think I will be able to do that.. I start crying just thinking that I have to live through that with all my pain. I just want to end it. I am afraid because of this. And I know for sure that if I knew of an easy, not so painful way of taking my life, I would not be here anymore. I have talked to my best friends about all of this, but they can only help me a little. And I don't know who else to talk to. My best friend tried taking her own life twice, and she says now that she regretted it, but all the psychologists and all the other people she talked to treated her like she was crazy, and talked to her in a way that just made her want to end her life even more than before. So I feel like these are not an option for me. The only reason I haven't tried ending my life yet, is that I think of all the people I will be leaving behind. I know how miserable everybody, including me, are after B took his life, and I don't know if I could let them go through this all again. The same with my family and my other friends.