have I reached the final part..last nite laying in bed I started to write wasn't sure what would happen or what I was going to write. The next thing, I'm saying goodbye to my flat mate, i'm writing a letter to her. I've done letters to my mum before but this was the first time i've done one to her. then I started writing more, how everyone has someone who they can call to speak too, be it just to say hi, 2 ask for support, advice or just to hear a friendly voice., the personal touch that someone does care. I've called people and don't get an answer, Just wanting to hear a sound other ur own voice or the sound of keys tapping away. When I started counselling I was told that you would need real time friends/support someone that you can speak to when you leave the counselling session, to help bring you back to here and now...I don't have that, I leave, I get in my car, depending on the session will depend where I end up going, I then get home and dont' speak to anyone for at least 24 hours..I thought at the time I would be able to do it alone, well i've spent my life being dependent and doing everything alone, but I can't, I can't ground myself it takes days, sometiems weeks. no one seems to understand me, I really must be so complicated. I can't just forget or move on I was abused all my life I know, no different and now its stopped I feel off no use to anyone, my body was only ever there to be abused, and now its rotton and dead.. I don't have the friendships or family others do, I don't feel I have the closeness with anyone. I might be missed for a day maybe a week, possibly a month, but then I will be forgotton,I've always been a lost child, a lost person, a lost soul.. I'm so tired of feeling so alone, feeling to trapped in my own mind, not having any contact with people (even my counsellor has picked up on this, so now its so very obvious). I've always been a freak, I was going to post and say I've been lying, that I wasn't abused..thinkibng that if I said that people would believe that I lied (as I believe so many do anyway) and everyone would then hate me, which would make it so much easier for me. I'm not sure the purpose of this post, i'm not sure I will be around for much longer. i'm not sure what will happen in the next few weeks, but I won't say any times, or dates, or anything. If you don't see me around soon, then don't worry..I'm in a better place, things just go too much. take care, and hold onto the friendships and families you have.