They warned me

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by kittenofthesea97, Jul 30, 2007.

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  1. I'm just starting to cut now... I know it's bad, I know it can lead to horrible things. I know I should stop. I know I won't stop. I don't want to stop. I mean, I want to not do it, but I have no will to keep myself from doing it.
  2. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Can you identify what it is that is triggering you to cut? You really need to figure out what is contributing to the impulse to hurt yourself before you can stop the behavoir. It is very hard to stop, it becomes like an addiction, but you CAN stop eventually, but it requires you to actually feel all of your feelings-- which can be very frightening and scary.

    Be safe!
  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    good post by swimmergirl there^
    You need to stay away from the triggers. And I know you can get urges with no triggers! It's bloody tough, I havent yet mastered preventing it, but you need another coping method. Cut up paper, bite your nails, carve a knife through wood, dont go near sharp stuff. etc.
  4. Yes I know exactly what triggers me... thinking about an ex-girlfriend. But there seems to be no escape from it. And whenever I see something sharp, I try to judge how well it would cut me. I used to just use elastics but it isn't enough anymore.

    I'll try the carving wood.

    And yes, I get the urges even without the triggers.

    But I'm afraid I won't ever be able to stop until she takes me back, which probably will never happen.
  5. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    oh I see. You need to get over her hey..definitely not as easy as it sounds!

    Are you still staying in touch with her?
  6. she won't even talk to me... so no
    but I would love to be in touch with her, even if it didn't mean getting back together
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    You are going to keep hurting yourself until you get some closure with this girlfriend.

    Will she talk to you?

    Can you write her a letter? You don't have to send it, but you could if it would help you express yourself and what you are going through.
  8. She's so mad at me, I can only hope her anger will fade with time.

    She responded to the e-mails I sent, but she told me she didn't want to have contact with me, so I stopped e-mailing because I didn't want to hurt her anymore.

    Maybe I could try writing that letter... and even just send it to someone else whom I trust.
  9. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear that you are willing to try and write the letter, it might help you get some of the pain out of your head and might ease your suffering. I think it is a great idea to share it with someone you trust if you aren't ready to send it to her.

    Give her some time to cool down, I bet she will be more willing to talk give some time and space.

    In the meantime, do whatever you can to take care of yourself and express your own pain, anger and grief over this loss.
  10. Cricket31

    Cricket31 Active Member

    I use to cut myself until I started to get unwanted attention. Then I discovered burning myself which feel really good! But they sure as hell take a long time heal up and they leave a good scar.
  11. I cut the side of my wrist so that all I cut is a few layers of skin. That way, I can feel the pain without worry of serious harm or death. Feeling physical pain distracts you temporarily from your emotional pain, but it's sort of like being an alcoholic- continuation of it for long periods of time will have very harmful effects on you.

    It's not that depressed people want to cut themselves- it's just that they want to feel pain and cutting themselves is the first thing that comes to mind when needing to feel a quick and good amount of physical pain. But did you know if you swung your leg at the metal bottom part of your bed, or if you slaped yourself as hard as possible, you'd feel just as much relief as you would if you cut yourself. I'm not saying that it's a good thing to hurt yourself- but when you simply can't stop, try hurting yourself in ways that aren't risking your life. =)
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I know you're a guy, but maybe try knitting or cross-stitching? It keeps your hands busy and I know that when I started to do it I would go hours without even thinking about the habits I was trying to break. The sooner you stop this, the better. The urge will only become a stronger, more central part of your life if you continue. Good luck :)
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